Cullen IMing
by lunar-eclipse95
Summary: Yes I know that practically everyone has done this but I couldn't resist. Set after Breaking Dawn. Enjoy!
1. do you wanna

**Please review and/or give me ideas to write about. Thanks.**

Screen names are:

**Bella: ** lambgrl82

**Edward: **pianoman01

**Alice: **shoppaholic123

**Jasper: **yankeeh8er

**Emmet: **2sexy4myshirt

**Rose: **hotblonde101

**Renesmee: **hybridchik07

**Jacob: **wolfman5

**Seth: **edwardsbff1

**Leah: **SheWolf#1

**shoppaholic123: **HI BELLA!!!!!!!!!

**lambgrl82:** HI ALICE!!!!!!!!!!

**shoppaholic123:** hey do u wanna

**lambgrl82:** NO!! WHY WOULD I WANT 2 SHOP?!?!

(lambgrl82 signs off)

(pianoman01 signs on)

**pianoman01:** have u seen bella

**shoppaholic123:** yes she just logged off

**shoppaholic123:** oh do u want 2

**pianoman01:** why would I want to go shopping wen I could b with bella

(pianoman01 signs off)

**shoppaholic123:** stupid mindreading jerk head

(pianoman01 signs on)

**pianoman01:** wat did u call me

**shoppaholic123:** *sigh* never mind

(pianoman01 signs off)

(yankeeh8er signs on)

**yankeeh8er:** hi honey

**shoppaholic123:** JAZZY-POO!!!

**yankeeh8er:** _don't_ call me that

**shoppaholic123:** do u wanna

**yankeeh8er:** no I don't want 2 go shoping

**yankeeh8er:** did u get the monkey yet

**shoppaholic123:** WHAT!!

**yankeeh8er:** oops wrong box

(yankeeh8er)

**shoppaholic123:** and I didn't even want 2 shop

(lambgrl82, pianoman01, and yankeeh8er sign on)

**lambgrl82:** ok lets go

**pianoman01:** yeh I'll go 2

**yankeeh8er:** me 3

**shopaholic123:** I hate u people

(shopaholic123 signs off)

**yankeeh8er:** what'd we do

**pianoman01:** bella do you want 2…

**lambgrl82:** YES!!! Meet u at the cottage in 5

(pianoman01 and lambgrl82 sign off)

**yankeeh8er**: r they talking bout wat I think there talkn about?

(hybridchik07 signs on)

**hybridchik07:** yep

**hybridchik07:** I just got kicked out

**yankeeh8er:** ew

(hybridchik07 and yankeeh8er sign off)


	2. Monkey Vamp

**This is the explanation for Jaspers monkey comment in the previous chapter. Please review!!!!!! **

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight ******

**2sexy4myshirt: **I have a question

Yankeeh8r: I have an answer… I think

2sexy4myshirt: what would happen if we bit a monkey

Yankeeh8r: excellent plan my brother from another mother

2sexy4myshirt: fo shizzle Jaspy-o

Yankeeh8r: lets stop the ganster thing

2sexy4myshirt: agreed

(yankeeh8r and 2sexy4myshirt have signed off)

Yankeeh8r: have u got the monkey

2sexy4myshirt: Yes I do Jaspy-poo

Yankeeh8r: I hate u

(yankeeh8r signs off)

Pianoman01: wer've u guys been

Yankeeh8r: … around

2sexy4myshirt: IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!!!

Yankeeh8r: f-u

Pianoman01: ???

2sexy4myshirt: HOLY BEEEP!! Hes gonna get jk/#753^%430 I AM BANANNAS!!!

Pianoman01: ?!?!?!?

Yankeeh8r: we kinda sorta transformed a monkey

2sexy4myshirt: BANANNAS RULES ALL!!!

Pianoman01: OKKKK then….

(pianoman01 has signed off)

2sexy4myshirt: jasper help meeeeeeeeeeee^$%$#GKJGD%^$^^USohfwe6&*^&^$

Yankeeh8r: srry _jaspy-poo's_ a little busy

(yankeeh8r has signed off)

2sexy4myshirt: BITCH!!!! CURSE YouuuuuuHDIre3875hngsr*($%#%$&YFFuf6346 %^&$%%&

(2sexy4myshirt has signed off)


	3. Invisible Ninjas

Bella, Edward, Renesmee, and Seth are online.

**lambgrl82:** y is Jake in a corner mumbling about invisible ninjas

**hybridchik07:** we were in the living room and Alice and Jasper ran through at vampire speed and nocked him down hes been doing it ever since

**pianoman01:** how long ago was this

**hybridchik07:** about 5 hrs ago

**edwardsbff1:** really?

**edwardsbff1:** hes never done it that long b4 lol

**lambgrl82:** u mean this has happened b4

**edwardsbff1:** yeah every time something strange happens he dose it

**lambgrl82:** y

**edwardsbff1:** I asked him bout it once and he said that he figures he would no if there were ghosts to do that stuff but there isn't so the only "logical explanation" is invisible ninjas

**pianoman01:** wooooowwww

**edwardsbff1:** hes really scared of them

**lambgrl82:** I can see dat

**hybridchik07:** im gonna go help him

**lambgrl82: **me 2

**edwardsbff1:** m 3

(hybridchik07, lambgrl82, and Edwardsbff1 signed off)

**pianoman01:** no one will ever no I am really emmet MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

(pianoman01 signed off)

**I know this chapter is kinda boring but I need it for later chapters that will be better. Also as much as I would like to I can't take credit for invisible ninjas. My friend gave me the idea seeing as though she is one, LOL. **

**Lots of my ideas come from my friends especially this one. We are seriously crazy!!! **

**Anyhoo, pleaaaaaaaaaassssssssssse review. Thanks.**


	4. Barney!

**yankeeh8r:** Ummmm Emmet. I've got bad news about Bananas

**2sexy4myshirt:** what, did he attack another human? 1 of these days I hope its mike

**yankeeh8r:** no *determined sigh* he "accidently" wandered onto werewolf property so they killed him

**2sexy4myshirt:** Not Bananas!!! NOOOOOOOOOO *hysterical sobbing*

10 minutes later

**2sexy4myshirt:** this means war

**yankeeh8r:** we'll need peanuts, a fishing pole, knockout gas, and some permanent markers. U game

**2sexy4myshirt:** bring it on *maniacal laughter*

**yankeeh8r:** but we cant tell any1 though

**2sexy4myshirt:** y

**yankeeh8r:** ness and bella would kill us and edweird would help cause he can't stand 2 see them upset

**2sexy4myshirt: **2 tru *shudders* bad memories

**yankeeh8r:** r u referring to the time u tried to trick bella into a room of bleeding humans and Edward found out and locked u in a room with nothing but barney on.

**2sexy4myshirt:** that was terrible. I still can't stand the song

**yankeeh8r:** ;)

(yankeeh8r has signed off)

**2sexy4myshirt:** uh oh…… (Jasper is singing I love you, you love me at the top of his lungs) don't let barney get meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

(2sexy4myshirt has signed off)

**Hehehe I love this chapter. Please review unless to you want to be locked in a room with barney. Also check out my profile. I have a poll up. It is stupid but……**


	5. Revenge

**This is going to be a very interesting chapter. I just got back from a sleepover at my friends house so I'm really spazzy (Only 4 hours of sleep is **_**not**_** good. It leads to jumping up and down in a parking lot screaming ****Don't Stop Believing**** at the top of your lungs. Needless to say we got a lot of looks.) So be prepared when you read this chapter, it might not make much sense. Wish me luck!**

**Jasper POV**

Today was the day. We were going to get revenge on the wolves for killing Bananas. Emmet and I had made sure the rest of the family was out hunting. Then we had offered our house for the dogs to throw a party in and thanks to me they agreed. We were mainly attacking Jacob but the rest would be affected too.

At promptly 6:00 pm the wolves started to file in. I leaned over to Emmet who was crouched down along the banister next to me and whispered, "Phase One is a go." I quickly made Jacob feel fear for Renesmee so he would go to look for her. I heard him tell Seth he was going to make sure she was safe and he walked out the door.

At that point I knew we had to act fast. He would go back to normal quickly and we needed to finish this part before he got back. I nudged Emmet and said, "Start Phase 2." He nodded and unscrewed the lid to a canister labeled knock-out gas.

As the gas floated downstairs the wolves passed out one by one. We sprinted down the stairs with permanent markers in hand. By the time we were done "labeling" them I could smell Jacob approaching. "Let's go," I hissed at Emmet, who was busy putting the finishing touches on Leah.

"No. I'm not done yet," he whined. I saw that this would quickly escalate into a full-fledged tantrum, complete with pounding hands and feet on the floor. Last time that had happened the foundation of our house had cracked. It was recorded as the worst earthquake in the Midwest.

"Emmet, do you want to act like an overlarge 2 year old or do you want to get revenge?" I asked.

"Revenge," he said, starting to foam at the mouth. He stood up and we went back to our original hiding place.

About half a minute later Jacob walked in. He gasped and I started to send waves of cockiness at him. "The invisible ninjas. That's who must have done this. Ohhh they're good but I'm better. I've got mad skissles," he said while starting to wave his hands in the air in karate moves.

Emmet started to giggle and I almost joined in. Luckily I was able to stop myself and clap a hand over his mouth. I then sent a wave of seriousness at him and took my hand off his mouth. "Starting Phase Three," I mouthed at him. He nodded and picked up the jumbo bag of peanuts next to him. I picked up the fishing pole and we began our evil plan.

Emmet started too chuck peanuts with such speed and force that they were practically invisible until they hit either Jacob or one of Esmes knick-knacks. I used my fishing pole to move things around the room at the speed of sound. I had stopped sending feelings towards Jacob so he was operating off his own panic.

"INVISIBLE NINJAS," he screeched repeatedly. He was beginning to hop up and down in circles. His arms were pin wheeling at the speed of light and he was starting too literally bounce off the walls in an attempt to find the door.

After a few more minutes of this he reached the door and went careening into the forest still screaming. Occasionally he would hit a tree. When this happened he would hit the ground for a split second then resume running in another direction screaming louder than ever.

Emmet and I had run to the door to watch this spectacle and were now in a heap in the doorway laughing hysterically. Emmet was screaming and waving his arms in a poor imitation of Jacob. Finally, still chuckling, we set about carrying the other dogs out into the woods a distance. Then we cleaned the living room and went about our regular activities.

**3 hours later…**

(lambgrl82, hybridchik07, 2sexy4myshirt, and yankeeh8r are online)

**lambgrl82:** WAT DID U IDIOTS DO?!?!

**yankeeh8r:** I… ummm… er…. Uh….. nothing

**hybridchik07:** yeah _that's_ why jake is hysterical and the rest of the wolves are scrubbing ink off their faces

**2sexy4myshirt:** u have no proof

**lambgrl82:** oh yes we do

**hybridchik07:** they said dat u invited them 2 hav a party at our house.

**lambgrl82:** Jake leaving is the last thing they rember about 2nite.

**hybridchik07:** they thought u dweebs were hunting with us but we no u were not

**lambgrl82:** It doesn't take a genius to guess wat happened

**yankeeh8r**: ok u got us but we can xplain

**hybridchik07:** sav it. Its time 4 the punishment

**2sexy4myshirt and yankeeh8r: ***gulp*

(hybridchik07 and lambgrl82 sign off)

**3****rd**** person POV**

Suddenly Jasper and Emmet were blind folded and dragged to a small room. The room was pitch black except for the T.V. which was playing Barney on a constant loop. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" they screamed.


	6. stereotypes

**Thanks to all of my reviewers. I appreciate everything you tell me. Also I will try to update more the more reviews I get so just hit the little green button. It only takes a second but it makes my day (as you can clearly see I have no life). Let's try and get 10 reviews for this chapter. And if you really want to flame me then go right ahead. I honestly want to know if you think it's stupid. So anyhow, on with the story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related except the ideas for my stories. **

(everyone is on except for Seth and Leah)

**Lambgrl82: **wat r we gonna do 2day

**Lambgrl82:** and no alice dat does not mean im suggesting shopping

**Shoppaholic123:** oh picklesticks

**Yankeeh8r:** ???

**Shoppaholic123:** nvr mind

**Hybridchik07:** I no!! how bout we give everyone a typical hiskool sterotype

**2sexy4myshirt:** yeah this'll be fun

**Pianoman01: **oh no

**Hybridchik07:** lets start with….

**2sexy4myshirt:** rosie!!!

**Wolfman5:** the slut that has "done it" with every1 hehehe

**Hotblonde101:** watch it mutt

**Wolfman5: **yeah yeah yeah

**Hybridchik07:** er…. Ok emmet

**Lambgrl82:** jock

**Yankeeh8r: ***cough* who does steroids *cough*

**2sexy4myshirt:** I wouldn't need steroids *runs away crying*

**Pianoman01:** im gonna pretend I didn't hear the thoughts running through his head rite now

**Lambgrl82:** akward

**Hybridchik07:** jasper

**Hotblonde101:** emo dude whos always depressed

**2sexy4myshirt:** I agree

**Yankeeh8r:** what???

**2sexy4myshirt:** paybaks a bitch

**Yankeeh8r:** jerk *sniffle*

**Hotblonde101:** case in point

**Hybridchik07:** ok lets move on. Alice

**Pianoman01: **the overly enthusiastic girl who gets excited over anything

**Shoppaholic123:** I hate you

**Pianoman01:** sure u do

**Hybridchik07:** how bout jakey-poo

**Wolfman5:** awww ness

**Pianoman01:** grrrrrrrrrrr

**Wolfman5:** ok ok

**Lambgrl82:** the player

**Wolfman5**: oddly enoff I can live with that

**Hybridchik07:** *sigh* me

**Shoppaholic123:** the popular grl who is also nice

**Hybridchik07:** awwwww

**Hybridchik07:** ok mom

**Wolfman5:** the really shy grl who no one notices

**Lambgrl82:** honestly I cant argue with that. In phoenix I was

**Hybridchik82:** poor mom…… ok dad

**Shoppaholic123:** the geeky guy who is a know-it-all and is a total teachers pet

**Yankeeh8r:** amen to that

**2sexy4myshirt:** ????

**Yankeeh8r:** 4get I said it

**Pianoman01:** bella am I really that bad?

**Lambgrl82:** well…..

**Pianoman01:** that's it im leaving

(pianoman01 has signed off)

**Lambgrl82:** wait… Edward that's not what I ment I was trying to come up with words 4 how cool u were

**2sexy4myshirt:** u keep telling urself that bella

(lambgrl82 has signed off)

**Hybridchik07**: well im outta here

**Shopaholic123:** me 2

**Hotblonde101:** me 3

**Wolfman5:** me 4

**2sexy4myshirt:** me 5

(all but jasper have signed off)

**Yankeeh8r:** Im all alone. No 1 loves me. Im gonna go sit in a dark corner and write poetry about death

(yankeeh8r has signed off)


	7. The FUN Song

(Alice, Emmet, and Jacob are online)

Shoppaholic123: hi guys

2sexy4myshirt: why hello there Mrs alice

Wolfman5: would u like some tea and crumpets mrs. Alice

Shoppaholic123: ???

2sexy4myshirt: we're trying out different personalities

Wolfman5: what should we do now

2sexy4myshirt: I no!!! JAMAICAN

Wolfman5: oh ya my brotha *in Jamaican accent*

2sexy4myshirt: this ones getting boring how about Arab

Shoppaholic123: such short attention spans

Wolfman5: silence. I kill u

Shopaholic123: wow. Im shaking in my high heels

2sexy4myshirt: u know wat Jakey-wakey. I think we need to be something more threatening

Wolfman5: I no. VALLEY GIRLS!!!!

2sexy4myshirt: ome! That is like a totally good idea.

Wolfman5: like thank u. that is like the biggest compliment I have like ever gotten

Shoppaholic123: *sarcasticly* like I thought it was that u smell like wet dog

2sexy4myshirt: GAWD ALICE!!! Like don't be so mean 2 jakey

Shoppaholic123: u no wat. This is annoying Im leaving

Wolfman5: hehehe

Shoppaholic123: y isn't it signing off

2sexy4myshirt: well we "accidently" hacked ur computer so it would be impossible to sign off

Shoppaholic123: then I'll just leave the room

Wolfman5: no u won't. we put superglue on ur chair

Shoppaholic123: like that'll do anything *trys 2 get up*

Shoppaholic123: Go to hell u 2

2sexy4myshirt: lol now where were we

Wolfman5: I don't remember. Lets sing the fun song

2sexy4myshirt: ok!!!!!!

Shoppaholic123:*bangs head on desk*

Wolfman5: f is for friends who do stuff together

2sexy4myshirt: u is 4 u and meeeeeee

Wolfman5: n is 4 ny time and anywhere at alllll

2sexy4myshirt: here in the deep blu sea

2sexy4myshirt: now lets do that one song you no the one *wink*

Wolfman5: *grins evilly* u first

2sexy4myshirt: I no a song that gets on everybodys nerves

Wolfman5: everybodys nerves

2sexy4myshirt: everybodys nerves

Wolfman5: I no a song that gets in everybodys nerves

2sexy4myshirt: and this is how it goes

Wolfman5: I no a song that gets on everybodys nerves

(song continues for about 10 verses)

Shoppaholic123: save me

Shoppaholic123: I have a plan

Shoppaholic123: *having vision*

2sexy4myshirt: what do u see

Shoppaholic123: the volturi r coming u better let me go so I can warn everyone

Wolfman5: no that would take to long. Me and emmet will do it.

(2sexy4myshirt and wolfman5 have signed off)

Shoppaholic123: sweet mother of Carlisle my plan bac fired

Shoppaholic123: oh well. I'll just wait till some one logs on

Shoppaholic123: waiting waiting

Shoppaholic123: oh 4 petes sakes.

Shoppaholic123: HELP!!! HELP!!!

(she continous this on im, out loud and in her head for a hour)

(yankeeh8r signs on)

Yankeeh8r: what r u yelling about?!?!?!

Shoppaholic123: finally. Dog boy and have had me stuck her for ages

Yankeeh8r: so where _r _u

Shoppaholic123: im superglued to my desk chair. Get me off _**now.**_

Yankeeh8r: yes ma'am *salutes*

(yankeeh8r signs off)


	8. Who's God?

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I had a concert Saturday and the site was down yesterday so I couldn't. Still, I'll update more if I get more reviews, hint hint. Also check out my poll. So, please enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I merely make its characters do stupid things.**

(lambgrl82, pianoman01, and hybridchik07 are online)

**hybridchik07: **jake is god

**lambgrl82:** ???

**hybridchik07:** jake is god

**pianoman01:** ness. R u ok

**hybridchik07:** of course. Jake is god

**Lambgrl82:** um ness jake isn't god. Carlisle is.

**Pianoman01:** bella, ness jake and Carlisle are not gods

**Hybridchik07:** of course jake is dad

**Lambgrl82:** Carlisle is. Isn't it obvious

**Hybridchik07:** no he's not

**Lambgrl82:** yes he is

**Hybridchik07:** nuh uh

**Lambgrl82:** uh huh

**Hybridchik07:** nuh uh

**Lambgrl82: **uh huh

**Pianoman01:** bella stop acting like a child Carlisle is not god

**Lambgrl82:** *pouts*

**Pianoman01:** and ness did emmet give u those candies again

**Hybridchik07:** nooooooooo

**Pianoman01:** he did didn't he

**Hybridchik07:** yeah. They're just so irisitablely good.

**Hybridchik07:** im gonna get some more

**Pianoman01:** no u aren't. ur going straight to alice to sober up

**Hybridchik07:** no im not

**Pianoman01:** then im gonna have to take u by force

(pianoman01 has signed off)

**Hybridchik07:** well I still think jake is god

**Lambgrl82:** no he isn't. Carlisle is

**Hybridchik07:** nuh uh

**Lambgrl82: **uh huh

**Hybridchik07:** nuh u57438uisd&*(&gh3wtgjpo0

(hybridchik07 has signed off)

(pianoman01 has signed on)

**Pianoman01:** well that takes care of her

**Lambgrl82:** I've decided Carlisle is not god

**Pianoman01:** good im glad you've come 2 ur senses

**Lambgrl82:** u r

**Pianoman01:** uh oh

**Pianoman01:** did emmet happen 2 give u candy 2

**Lambgrl82:** uh huh it was yummy

**Pianoman01:** curse u emmet!!!!! Now I've got 2 high immortals on my hands

**Lambgrl82:** im not high.

**Pianoman01:** sure u arnt bella

**Pianoman01:** stay where u r im coming 2 get u

**Lambgrl82:** okee dokeee

(pianoman01 has signed off)

**lambgrl82: **waiting waiting waiting

**lambgrl82: **oh a book

**lambgrl82:** lets see what its about

**lambgrl82: **hmmm Twilight. it looks good

**lambgrl82: **reading reading reading

**lambgrl82: **HOLY CROW THIS BOOK IS ABOUT US

(Edward has arrived)

**3****rd**** person POV**

"EDWARD, EDWARD, EDWARD LOOK AT THIS BOOK!" Bella screamed at Edward.

"Why?" asked an exasperated Edward.

"It's all about our story from my point of view," Bella answered.

"Sure," Edward replied sarcasticly.

"No really, it is," Bella protested.

"Bella just come with me. I'm sure it's just any old book that you're misreading because off *&^%&4 Emmet."

"No."

"Bella come on." Edward picks Bella up and puts her in his car.

"Okk, but when the world finds out about our secret it won't be _my_ fault."

**Okk. I know this is a lame ending but I'm trying to set it up for a later chapter. Also if you didn't get the "candies" they're supposed to be something like drugs. So anyhoo keep reviewing!!!**


	9. Esme's wrath

**New Characters:**

Carlisle: vampdoc

Esme: mommydearest

**Now, let the chapter begin…**

(Everyone is on except Seth, Leah, Carlisle, and Esme)

**Hotblonde101:** come on guys

**Shoppaholic123:** yeah tell us wat u did

**Lambgrl82:** we heard the crash

**Hybridchik07:** just tell us and no one gets hurt

**Pianoman01:** I didn't even hav a part in it

**Wolfman5:** *snort* yeah rite

**Hotblonde101:** just tell us u no we'll find out eventually

(vampdoc and mommydearest have signed on)

**Mommydearest:** tell her _what _boys

**Yankeeh8r:** ummmmm nothing

**Vampdoc:** tell us _now _

**Pianoman01:** it was all their fault!!!!

**Wolfman5:** traitor

**Mommydearest:** grrrrrrrr

**2sexy4myshirt:** jeez. Calm down. We just

**Yankeeh8r:** don't go 2 the dark side emmet, no matter how many cookies they have!!!!

**Lambgrl82:** that was…. Something

**2sexy4myshirt:** r u finished…. Ok we were planning on pulling some kind of prank but we all got into a fight and that ugly vase got broke. U no the one with the sunflowers

**Vampdoc:** u mean Esmes mothers vase

**2sexy4myshirt:** shit

**Yankeeh8r:** I second that

**Wolfman5:** me 2

**Pianoman01**: me 3

**Shoppaholic123:** we'll just be going now

(shoppaholic123, hotblonde101, lambgrl82, and hybridchik07 signed off)

**Mommydearest:** *wordless shriek*

**Vampdoc:** uh oh shes really mad

**Pianoman01:** u cant hear her thoughts *shudders*

**Vampdoc:** well good luck boys

**2sexy4myshirt:** you're just leaving us with her!!!!

**Vampdoc:** yep

(vampdoc has signed off)

**Yankeeh8r:** just calm down

**Pianoman01:** that's not gonna work. Shes way past being calmed

**Wolfman5:** well since im not technically family I'll be going

**Mommydearest:** stay

**Wolfman5: ***gulp* yes ma'am

**Mommydearest:** u have a five second head start GO!!!

(wolfman5, pianoman01, 2sexy4myshirt, yankeeh8r, and mommydearest have signed off)


	10. Grudges

**I am sooooooooo sorry for how long it's been since I updated. I have been so busy it's not even funny. Two words; homework sucks. Anyhoo enough of my complaining. On with the show!!! **

(ihatemysons and vampdoc are line)

**Vampdoc:** honey. Don't u think it's time 2 change ur screen name

**Ihatemysons:** no

**Vampdoc: **but

**Ihatemysons:** I said _no_

**Vampdoc:** ok then

(2sexy4myshirt signed on)

**2sexy4myshirt: **yo parents!!!

(ihatemysons has signed off)

**2sexy4myshirt: **shes still mad about the vase?

**Vampdoc:** yep

**2sexy4myshirt:** god. It was weeks ago + she already kicked our butts 2 china

**Vampdoc: **it was her mothers vase. Also she can hold a grudge. I find it sexy

**2sexy4myshirt: **ew. tmi, carlisle, tmi

**2sexy4myshirt:** well then I'll just hold a grudge against her then

**Vampdoc:** ur kidding rite

**2sexy4myshirt:** nooooooo

**Vampdoc:** rember the time u tried to hold a grudge against edward for calling rose fat and getting her mad

**2sexy4myshirt:** yess

**Vampdoc:** then u wound up making up 5 min. l8r cause wanted to go hunting with him

**2sexy4myshirt:** wat?? He was the only one to go with

**Vampdoc:** my point is that the second u need something from her u'll give the grudge up

**2sexy4myshirt: **that's so not tru

**2sexy4myshirt:** I hate u

**2sexy4myshirt:** im running away

**Vampdoc:** u go rite ahead

**2sexy4myshirt:** u don't love me??

**vampdoc:** no emmet. I've only put up with u all these years for roses sake

**2sexy4myshirt:** what?!?! *runs away crying*

(2sexy4myshirt has signed off)

**Vampdoc:** he really does not take sarcasam well


	11. Mike is Steamy?

(everyone except wolfman5, hybridchik07, edwardsbff, shewolf1, vampdoc and ihatemysons are online)

Lambgrl82: hey I've gotta question 2 ask

Hotblonde101: okkkk

Lambgrl82: I got it off a poll in some fanfic site. I think it was from twilightwriter95

2sexy4myshirt: so what is it

Lambgrl82: ok 4 the girls mike n. and 4 the guys Jessica s. were the last people on earth would u try to keep the species alive?

Pianoman01: ewwww no.

2sexy4myshirt: y not. I don't think shes that bad

Hotblonde101: grrrrrrrrrr

Yankeeh8r: errrr emmet…

2sexy4myshirt: I mean I like the little ones. They're feisty.

Hotblonde101: EMMET MCARTHY CULLEN I'm GONNA KILL U!!!!!!

(hotblonde101 has signed off)

2sexy4myshirt: holy crap gotta go

(2sexy4myshirt has signed off)

Shoppaholic123: well I would never do it with mike

(wolfman5 has removed invisibility feature)

Wolfman5: u wouldn't?!?! I think he's steamy…

Pianoman01: bad mental pictures. Trying to remove the images from my brain.

Wolfman5: gosh. If that's how u feel about it I'll just leave

Pianoman01: please do

Lambgrl82: *death glare at Edward*

Wolfman5: im going. Im going

(wolfman5 has signed off)

Yankeeh8r: and I only feel that way about alice

Shoppaholic123: awwww. Our room 30 seconds.

Yankeeh8r: ooooo can we try out that new idea you had

Shoppaholic123: you mean the one with the thing….

Yankeeh8r: yes that one

Shoppaholic123: u r on

(shoppaholic123 and yankeeh8r sign out)

Lambgrl82: wow.

Pianoman01: I might never emotionally recover

Lambgrl82: same here

Pianoman01: we will never mention this again, deal

Lambgrl82: deal

**I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Also this is really random but was really funny. Today in "life skills" we were starting cooking. We were picking recipes and my friend was freaking out about every single one. I started giving her funny looks and she just goes, "Food excites me." Now when you think about that in a dirty minded way….. So later in class we're taking notes. Our teacher would say something that reminded me of that comment and I'd start cracking up. I attracted a lot of looks for going into hysterics about the food pyramid. Or so they thought…**

**Yeah anyway it doesn't sound as funny written down. I guess you had to be there. Any how review as always. TTFN.**


	12. Jasper You Perv!

(shoppaholic123, yankeeh8r, lambgrl82, hotlonde101, and 2sexy4myshirt are online)

Shoppaholic123: aren't u guys so glad theres a thunder storm rite now

Lambgrl82: YES!! I love thunder storms

(pianoman01 has signed on)

Pianoman01: BELLA HOLD ME!!!

Lambgrl82: eeerrrrrr ok

2sexy4myshirt: woah there bigboy

Yankeeh8r: r u having some problems ikle eddiekins

Hotblonde101: u wouldn't want the big bad boomers to get u

Lambgrl82: _big bad boomers???_

Shoppaholic123: he's deathly afraid of thunder

Lambgrl82: HAHA!!! That's

Pianoman01: OMG HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!!!

Pianoman01: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!

Pianoman01: *hides under bed*

Lambgrl82: sad

Hotblonde101: we know

2sexy4myshirt: he used to say that he had to go hunting evry time a storm hit

Yankeeh8r: then he'd find some cave and hide there until it was over

2sexy4myshirt: he'd probly still do it if we hadn't caught him once

Yankeeh8r: that was hilarious

2sexy4myshirt: good times, good times

Pianoman01: good I think its over

*Clap of thunder*

Pianoman01: MOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!

Lambgrl82: wow

Shoppaholic123: tell me about it rose is like that too

Hotblonde101: oh god. Do we really have to bring this up _again_

Shoppaholic123: yes

Shoppaholic123: so, she has a phobia

Lambgrl82: ?????

Yankeeh8r: fear of toe jam

Lambgrl82: again ???

Hotblonde101: when I was little my brother said that if u left it there it would get sucked up through ur body into your brain and make u stupid and eventually turned u into zombies

Hotblonde101: it was really scary

Lambgrl82: im sure

Shoppaholic123: so any ways we were changing 4 gym and rose caught some grl with toejam

Shoppaholic123: she freaked out and started screaming at the poor grl to get it out

Lambgrl82: did she?

Shoppaholic123: yeah I mean would u not do what she asked if she was perching on top a locker doing a really good impression of king kong

2sexy4myshirt: im sure it wasn't that bad. Was it?

Yankeeh8r: yeah it was

Hotblonde101: how would you no

Yankeeh8r: lets just say I've got conections

Hotblonde101: EWWW U PERV

( hotblonde101, 2sexy4myshirt, shoppaholic123, and lambgr82l have signed off)

Yankeeh8r: wait I can xplain!!!

(yankeeh8r has signed off)

Pianoman1: is it safe to come out now

*Thunder*

Pianoman01: &h*&*(JKHFW d&(*&$%#dfwehr67567765675

(Edward has signed off)

**A.N. **

**I would like to announce that I'm probably going to make the Cullens finding out about Twilight as a fifty reviews thing. So started reviewing for the mayhem to begin!!!**


	13. Twilight

**I am sooooooooooo sorry for how long it took me to update. I had this huge 200 point project due tomorrow. But now I should be back on track. And if this helps, this chapter is part one of my 50 review extravaganza! The other part will be out as soon as I finish it, which will be later tonight. Enjoy!**

**Part 1 of 2**

(All are online)

Shoppaholic123: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Yankeeh8r: alice calm down

Shoppaholic123: I will not calm down when our lives are at stake!!

Wolfman5: huh

Shoppaholic123: remember that book that bella found about us? Well apparently there is a whole series. I read them all and they are completely tru. In the last one theres even a part with Jacobs pov

Lambgrl82: HA I win Edward! IN YOUR FACE!! *does happy dance*

Pianoman01: bella this isn't something to laugh about

Lambgrl82: y not?? Oh yeah.

Lambgrl82: dangit the volturi are such killjoys

Shewolf1: u mean theres a book with me being _nice_ to jake in it

Shoppaholic123: yep

Shewolf1: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

edwardsbff: YESSSSSSSSS

shewolf1: NOOOOOOOO

edwardsbff: Yessssssss

Shewolf1: Nooo

Wolfman5: seriously guys. Stop.

Shewolf1: You called me a guy. Y are u so insensitive, Y!!!!

(shewolf1 has signed off)

2sexy4myshirt: issues

Yankeeh8r: u can say that again

2sexy4myshirt: issues

Yankeeh8r: u can say

Vampdoc: boys concentrate

Yankeeh8r: yes sir!

Mommydearest: do u see the volturi coming alice

Shoppaholic123: I don't think so

Shoppaholic123: *having vision*

Shoppaholi123: no they won't come

Vampdoc: good. Then lets take time to read the books then report back here 2morrow morning

All: ok

(Everyone has signed off)


	14. Twilight 2

(All are signed on)

Vampdoc: ok. Every1 is here rite

Hybridchik07: yep

Vampdoc: bella. Since the books were mostly in your pov were they accurate.

Lambgrl82: …

Pianoman01: bella we talked about this. I know its embarrassing but u have to do it

Lambgrl82: fine. Yes it was

2sexy4myshirt: so Edward really bit the pillows!

Hotblonde101: yes emmet he really did bite the pillow

2sexy4myshirt: awesome. And bella I must ask, was it good?

Hybridchik07: EWWWWWW!!! Can we please not talk about this part

2sexy4myshirt: fine….

2sexy4myshirt: just one more, pretty please.

Hybridchik07: fine

2sexy4myshirt: ok this is for eddie. Did you try out that one move I told u about?

Pianoman01: SHUT THE HELL UP EMMET!

2sexy4myshirt: jeez. Don't overreact or anything…

Mommydearest: if there is _one_ more comment on Edward and bellas personal life I _will _make you wish u could die

2sexy4myshirt: ok ok point taken

Mommydearest: good

Vampdoc: moving on…

Shoppaholic123: bella y didn't u tell me u had no good pajamas. I could of bought u some. I mean those ones u wore in Twilight sound disgusting

Lambgrl82: errrm cause I didn't no u

Shoppaholic123: oh yeah

Vampdoc: can I continue now??

Hotblonde101: no

Vampdoc: then I'll just talk to esme about what we're gonna do

Yankeeh8r: ok

Shewolf#1: please do

Mommydearest: children these days r so rude

(mommydearest and vampdoc have signed of)

Yankeeh8r: anyhow…

Hotblonde101: did u really think I was the prettiest bella?

Lambgrl82: ummmm… I guess so

Hotblonde101: U GUESS SO…….

Lambgrl82: oh I mean I _know _so

Hotblonde101: nice try

Wolfman5: haha ur in trouble with blondie

Hotblonde101: shut up dog face

Wolfman5: ooo theres a new one

Hotblonde101: grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Wolfman5: shutting up, shutting up

Hotblonde101: again, U GUESS SO!!!!!!

2sexy4myshirt: rose just calm down

Hotblonde101: DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN I JUST GOT INSULTED BY BOZO BELLA

Lambgrl82: BOZO BELLA??? OH IT'S ON

Hotblonde101: BRING IT

Lambgrl82: OH I NO I CAN. BUT CAN U??

Hotblonde101: *gasp* U JUST INSULTED ME _AGAIN_

Lambgrl82: OH WATCHA GONNA DO NOW???

Pianoman01: a little help please jasper…

Yankeeh8r: what??? *stops eating chipmunks like popcorn* oh yeah that *send out waves of calmness*

Edwardsbff: that was better then Desperate Housewifes

2sexy4myshirt: u watch that???

Edwardsbff: no of course not

Shoppaholic123: yeah rite

2sexy4myshirt: seth likes girl shows. seth likes girl shows

Shewolf#1: watch it leech. No one picks on my brother but me

Edwardsbff: oh thanks leah

2sexy4myshirt: at least im not the one spilling my guts to jakey- poo over there

Shewolf#1: u wouldn't dare…

2sexy4myshirt: try me

Wolfman5: ok guys break it up

Shewolf#1: u called me a guy again. I HATE U!!! BY the way.. .jake sleeps with a teddy bear named

Wolfman5: don't say it leah. Please…

Shewolf#1: mr. fluffiekins

Wolfman5: I DO NO SUCH THING! And at least im not a bitch… literally

Shewolf#1: if we were in the same room right now I'd , I'd, I'd

Hotblonde101: carve his brain out through his nose with a hot poker??

Shewolf#1: yes!! That is exactly what I'd do.

Lambgrl82: how much time do u spend thinking of ways to kill him???

Hotblonde101: about 90% of the time that I'm not "having fun" with emmet

Pianoman01: wow. That is really….

Hybridchik07: sick, wrong, immoral, terrible

Pianoman01: actually I was going to say dedicated. I mean I only fit in a few hours a day.

Hybridchik07: that's it. Jake we're moving to djibouti

Wolfman5: where???

Hybridchik07: it's a little country in Africa

Wolfman5: oh… ok

Hybridchik07: good bye

(hybridchik07 and wolfman5 have signed off)

Lambgrl82: they'll be back within an hour

Pianoman01: or two

Yankeeh8r: as soon as jake starts to miss mr. fluffikins lol

Shewolf#1: u no what. U peeps r boring. Seth we're out

Edwardsbff: u cant control me. Ur not my mother

Shewolf#1: wanna bet I cant control u *grabs seths ear*

Edwardsbff: owowowowow u win

Shewolf#1: thank u

(shewolf#1 and edwardsbff have signed off)

Lambgrl82: well im sick of ur teasing.

Pianoman01: me 2. Lets go to the cottage…..

Lambgrl82: see u there!

(lambgrl82 and pianoman01 have signed off)

Yankeeh8r: now all are victims r gone

Shoppaholic123: we can make fun of them behind their backs

2sexy4myshirt: EDWARDS GETTING FEISTY. EDWARDS GETTING FEISTY.

2sexy4myshirt: it just isn't the same 

Hotblonde101: oh well. We tried.

(all sign off)

**Sorry this got out so late. I tried but I couldn't come up with enough inspiration for a while. As always please review!!! **


	15. Fan Girls

**This chapter is dedicated to my friends who are the people below. I will try to do you all justice. **

**P.S. This is for **_**in the hallway with jeans**_**. What do you think of the names? I couldn't come up with anything better. **

(guitarprincess5, jonasdancer96, in the hallway with jeans, and twilightwriter95 are signed on to twilightness is awesome chat room)

in the hallway with jeans: hey, do any of u no when 2nites hw is due

guitarprincess5: umm… I think it's Thursday

in the hallway with jeans: good. That means I can wait till 2morrow 2 do it

twilightwriter95:* gasp* u bad girl

in the hallway with jeans: if ur so good y arnt u doing it rite now

twilightwriter95: actually I am

in the hallway with jeans: *snort* dork

twilightwriter95: hey! I bet al is doing it now 2

guitarprincess5: no of course not. Ok yeah I am

jonasdancer96: BIRD!

Twilightwriter95: ???

Jonasdancer96: I saw a bird

in the hallway with jeans: wow. Any ways did u guys pre-order twilight? I did ;)

twilightwriter95: no. I didn't have time 2 ask my mom

guitarprincess5: me neither

jonasdancer96: same here

in the hallway with jeans: HA! Me and my awesome ninja powers beat u

guitarprincess5: sure they did…

**Meanwhile in the Cullen household…**

(all but vampdoc and mommydearest are signed on)

Hybridchik07: I've been searching twilight stuff online

Yankeeh8r: same here. I've read some things I could've gone without reading to.

Hybridchik07: anyway, I looked up twilight chat rooms and I think we should go on one

Shoppaholic123: oooo that sounds fun

Hybridchik07: ok. How bout…. Twilightness is awesome.

Lambgrl82: ok that one sounds appropriate.

(hybridchik07 has invited all to chat room _twilightness is awesome_)

**Just so everyone gets it, now all members of this chapter are in one chat room.**

Hybridchik07: is everyone here?

Pianoman01: yep

Jonasdancer96: who r u?

Pianoman01: ummm im, im Erik Newton

2sexy4myshirt: what do u mean? Ur Edward Cullen

in the hallway with jeans: EDWARD CULLEN?!?!?!?!?!

Pianoman01: thnx a lot emmet

Twilightwriter95: u mean ur really the twilight people?

Hotblonde101: uh huh

Guitarprincess5: OME! *faints*

Lambgrl82: ome? I thought that was my thing *pouts*

Jonasdancer96: so this is every1

Pianoman01: yep. Im Edward

lambgrl82: bella

hotblonde101: rose

2sexy4myshirt: emmet

in the hallway with jeans: haha luv the name. it's totally tru

2sexy4myshirt: umm. Thnx I guess

Yankeeh8r: jasper

Shoppaholic123: alice

Edwardsbff: seth

Shewolf#1: leah

Hybridchik07: nessie

Wolfman5: and jake

in the hallway with jeans: JAKE!! U don't know it yet, but im married to taylor lautner who plays u and therefore to u.

edwardsbff: congrats

wolfman5: haha seth very funny

edwardsbff: I know 

pianoman01: wait what do u mean "plays him"? there's a movie too!

Twilightwriter95: yep

Guitarprincess5: actually the casting was pretty bad

Jonasdancer96: yeah jasper looked like he was in pain, alice was tall, and rose wasn't pretty enough

in the hallway with jeans: the only really good ones were emmet and jake *swoon*

jonasdancer96: oh this just occurred to me! Alice and cass are twins. They're both midgets!

in the hallway with jeans: yeah ur rite

twilightwriter95: HEY!! Just because u to are freakishly tall doesn't mean im short

2sexy4myshirt: if ur as short as alice then it does

Shoppaholic123: wtf

Twilightwriter95: u people r mean

Shoppaholic123: I agree

Yankeeh8r: wait. Who _r _u people?

in the hallway with jeans: im mak

twilightwriter95: cass

jonasdancer96: Ashley

guitarprincess5: and alex

(edwardsbaby123 has entered chat room)

Edwardsbaby123: I'm Sydney!

Hotblonde101: do u know her?

Guitarprincess5: noooo

Hotblonde101: then leave.

Edwardsbaby123: fine. Be that way.

(edwardsbaby123 has signed off)

Twilightwriter95: I have a question. Edward will u marry me?

Guitarprincess5: Cass! I was gonna ask him that

Lambgrl82: CASS. ALEX. YOU 2 R DEAD!!

Pianoman01: Bella.

2sexy4myshirt: HAHA Edwards got some stalkers!

Twilightwriter94: Emmet?

Guitarprincess5: CASS?

Lambgrl82: ALEX AND CASS!

Pianoman01: bella

(edwardsbaby123 has removed invisibility)

Edwardsbella123: SYDNEY!

*crickets*

Hybridchik07: well we'll just be going b4 this gets violent

in the hallway with jeans: WAIT DON"T LEAVE CAUSE MY FRIENDS R IDIOTS!!!

Jonasdancer96: YEAH THEY PROMISE THEY'LL BE GOOD!!

Twilightwriter95: yeah we promise!

(all twilight characters have signed out)

in the hallway with jeans: EDWARD, JACOB, JASPER, EMMET COME BACK!!

Jonasdancer96: this is all your fault u 2

Guitarprincess5: sorry

in the hallway with jeans: SORRY! THE TWO LOVES OF MY LIFE JUST LEFT CAUSE OF U AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS SORRY?!

Twillightwriter95: yep

in the hallway with jeans: u better sleep with one eye open

jonasdancer96: cause we know where you two sleep

guitarprincess5: uh oh….

Twilightwriter95: FLEE THE COUNTRY ALLY! IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE!!

(all have signed out)

**Hehehe that was fun to write. If only it were real…**

**PPS. **in the hallway with jeans I know that our names are misspelled and shortened. It wasn't a mental lapse.


	16. Polish

Lambgrl82: EDWARD!!

Pianoman01: WHAT?!?

Lambgrl82: I LUV U!!

Pianoman01: I LUV U TO!!

Pianoman01: wait, y r we shouting?

Lambgrl82: cuz its fun

Pianoman01: u no what else is fun?

Lambgrl82: I think I do…

Pianoman01: SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGES!!

Lambgrl82: oh we shouldn't… wait what???

Lambgrl82: how is that fun??

Pianoman01: cuz it is that's y

Lambgrl82: oh.

Pianoman01: Kocham Cię

Lambgrl82: oh what does that mean

Pianoman01: I love you

Lambgrl82: awwwww

Lambgrl82: Pragnę się z Tobą kochać

Pianoman01: very subtle

Lambgrl82: it's a gift

Lambgrl82: so…

Pianoman01: of course

Lambgrl82: YAY

(lambgrl82 and pianoman01 have signed off)

**These phrases are in Polish. If you want to know what the last one means look it up on... Oh shoot the site won't let me post a link. Well I think you can get the gist, but if not then PM me. **


	17. Soulja Boy and Emmet

**(Jasper and Emmet are signed in)**

Yankeeh8r: hi emmet

2sexy4myshirt: Dude I figured it out. Why didn't u tell me??

Yankeeh8r: tell u what?

2sexy4myshirt: that ur really soulja boy in disguise

Yankeeh8r: errr emmet, im not soulja boy

2sexy4myshirt: u were in a war weren't u?

Yankeeh8r: ummm yeah

2sexy4myshirt: then see that proves my point

Yankeeh8r: just because I was a _soldier _doesn't mean im _soulja boy_

2sexy4myshirt: does 2

Yankeeh8r: does not

Yankeeh8r: wait am I really gonna get involved in one of those games

2sexy4myshirt: wats the problem with the dose 2 game

Yankeeh8r: the problem is that u don't know when 2 give it up

2sexy4myshirt: do 2

Yankeeh8r: do not

2sexy4myshirt: do 2

Yankeeh8r: do not

2sexy4myshirt: do 2

Yankeeh8r: do not

2sexy4myshirt: do 2

Yankeeh8r: do not

(continues for a few more rounds)

Yankeeh8r: see…. That one should of ended at least 5 do 2's ago

2sexy4myshirt: fine. No need 2 get all scientifical

Yankeeh8r: I wasn't

2sexy4myshirt: oh I see…. It was just ur evil plot 2 distract me

Yankeeh8r: *sarcasticly* noooooooooo

2sexy4myshirt: really??

Yankeeh8r: wow emmet u just out stupided ur self. Congrats

2sexy4myshirt: oh thanks… wait was that a compliment or an insult?

Yankeeh8r: well I'll just leave u here to figure that out

2sexy4myshirt: wait no!! u didn't do the dance

Yankeeh8r: what dance??

2sexy4myshirt: *GASP* u don't know the dance???

Yankeeh8r: nope

2sexy4myshirt: SHUN YOU!!!

2sexy4myshirt: I mean really how can u be soulja boy and not no the dance??

Yankeeh8r: cause I'm not soulja boy

2sexy4myshirt: don't be silly jaspito of course u r

Yankeeh8r: that's it im leaving

2sexy4myshirt: c'mon can u please do the dance???

Yankeeh8r: fine.

(Jasper does dance) **A/N. They are not in the same place. I decided the Cullen's are rich enough to have those camera computer thingys I forget the name of**

2sexy4myshirt: wow. U weren't kidding about not being soulja boy. That was awful

Yankeeh8r: now can I go

2sexy4myshirt: fine b that way. I'll have more fun on my own anyway. Hmph. Some brother u r

Yankeeh8r: ok bye bye

2sexy4myshirt: WAIT DON"T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!!!

Yankeeh8r: y?!?!??!

2sexy4myshirt: the forest will eat me

Yankeeh8r: and y r u in the woods?

2sexy4myshirt: the voice in my head told me to come here

Yankeeh8r: emmet ur not Edward

Yankeeh8r: and btw did u sneak into the medicine cabinet again

2sexy4myshirt: noooooooo

Yankeeh8r: y emmet y

2sexy4myshirt: cause they taste yummy

Yankeeh8r: I'll b there in a minute

(yankeeh8r signs off)

**Hehe this one's retarded but it was awesome to write. Also the dance Emmet refers to is the dance from Crank That. I kinda guessed that everyone would know it, but realized that people in other countries might not and stuff like that so yeah… **

**Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**


	18. High School Musical

**It has been _way_ too long since I've updated this story. So I'm posting two chapters tonight. Also I am planning my 100 reveiws event. If anyone wants to find out what it's about reveiw with the answer to this question; In Breaking Dawn what is the name of the girl Jake talks to in the park? If you answer correctly I'll reply with a brief summary. Enjoy!**

Hybridchik07: DADDYDADDYDADDYCANWEBUYHSM2!!!!

Pianoman01: slow down nessie

Hybridchik07: fine gosh. Can we buy hsm 2

Pianoman01: whats it about??

Hybridchik07: ummmm, it's a documentary

Pianoman01: oh in that case sure

**(two showings of HSM 2 later…)**

Shoppaholic123: I still cant believe u fell 4 it Edward

Pianoman01: cant talk. Too busy trying to commit suicide

Shoppaholic123: oh stop being a baby. It wasn't that bad.

Pianoman01: yes it was. Nessie made me sing along to every single song

Shoppaholic123: ooooo that's harsh

Pianoman01: now I can't stop playing Bet On It over and over in my head

Shoppaholic123: u mean that cheesy one with zac efron

Pianoman01: that's the one

Shoppaholic123: its so stupid with the sand throwing and the reflection and junk

Pianoman01: tell me about it…

**No offense intended to anyone who likes HSM. **


	19. Shopping

**Eclipse Time**

(Alice and Bella are online)

Shoppaholic123: bella guess what we're gonna do 2day

Lambgrl82: I am not going shopping

Shoppaholic123: who said anything about shopping???

Lambgrl82: oh stop trying to be sweet and innocent. U no that's what u were going to say

Shoppaholic123: would I ever be that mean to u??

Lambgrl82: u have been loads of times.

Shoppaholic123: name 3

Lambgrl82: lets see….. prom, that weekend shopping trip you dragged me on, and the time there was the huge sale at the mall

Shoppaholice123: ok I admit the mall was kinda bad but the rest weren't

Lambgrl82: alice the mall was more than bad. I wound up getting trampled in your one vampire stampede for shoes and had to go to the emergency room

Shoppaholic123: c'mon those shoes were one of a kind and that horrid old hag was about to grab them. I mean seriously they would have looked hideous on her

Lambgrl82: u need help. Maybe Carlisle knows a good physiatrist

Shoppaholic123: he already tried that. They gave up on me after 2 sessions

Lambgrl82: wow

Shoppaholic123: but anyways that's all beside the point. Please come with me

Lambgrl82: no

Shoppaholic123: pretty please with sugar and sprinkles and chocolate, and a cherry on top

Lambgrl82: let me think about that no

Shoppaholic123: ok. Just remember u asked 4 it

Lambgrl82: uh oh

Shoppaholic123: *puppy dog face* pweeeeeease

Lambgrl82: I hate u

Shoppaholic123: is that a yes???

Lambgrl82: yes

Shoppaholic123: YAY!

Lambgrl82: wait… OH NO VICTORIAS HERE!!!

Shoppaholic123: don't worry bella I'll save u!!!

(shoppaholic123 has signed off)

Lambgrl82: hehehe works every time

Lambgrl82: now I'll just sneak off to Edwards

(lambgrl82 has signed off)


	20. Nessies First Kiss

(shoppaholic123 and hybridchik07 are online)

Shoppaholic123: soooo ness, how was ur d8 with Jake tonite

Hybridchik07: I am telling u nothing

Shoppaholic123: c'mon u know it drives me crazy that I don't already know

Hybridchik07: I don't feel bad 4 u

Shoppaholic123: y??? usually u fall for my guilt trips

Hybridchik07: because u told everyone that I started, though I specifically told u not to

Shoppaholic123: they would have found out anyway. I mean we're vampires

Hybridchik07: that's tru….. but it doesn't matter, I still don't trust u

Shoppaholic123: pwease??? *puppy dog face*

Hybridchik07: must resist. must resist. On all rite

Shoppaholic123: YAY!!!!!!

Hybridchik07: well we kinda sorta had our first kiss

Shoppaholic123: GASP!!!!! WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHY?

Hybridchik07: ok im pretty sure u know who and what

Shoppaholic123: stop being a smart alek

Hybridchik07: I don't think I can. I'm Edwards child remember

Shoppaholic123: tru. Any way….

Hybridchik07: ok so u know we went to dinner at sue's rite?

Shoppaholic123: yeah

Hybridchik07: well we went for a walk afterwards

Shoppaholic123: *shovels in another mouthful of chipmunks*

Hybridchik07: chipmunks???

Shoppaholic123: what?? They're like popcorn

Hybridchik07: okkk… so anyways we stopped on the beach and sat on this old tree

Shoppaholic123: oooo steamy

Hybridchik07: how is that steamy??

Shoppaholic123: idk. Proceed

Hybridchik07: so we were talking and all of a sudden he just leaned in and kissed me

Shoppaholic123: against ur will??? U should have started screaming, RAPE.

Hybridchik07: ew. It was not against my will

Shoppaholic123: surrrre it wasn't

(pianoman01 is online)

Pianoman01: hi. Watcha talkin about?

Shoppaholic123: just that jakes been raping ness

Hybridchik07: ALICE!!!! Ix-nay about the iss-kay

Pianoman01: HE DID WHAT!!!

Hybridchik07: thanks a lot

Shoppaholic123: I'll just b going

(shoppaholic123 has signed off)

Pianoman01: I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!

Hybridchik07: calm down

Pianoman01: I WILL NOT BE CALM!!!

Hybridchik07: okkkk

(Hybridchik07 has signed off. Lambgrl82 has signed in)

Lambgrl82: wtf is goin on

Pianoman01: JAKE RAPED NESSIE

Lambgrl82: GASP!!! BREAK OUT THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, JAKE IS GOING DOWN!

**Hehe that was fun to write. **


	21. Sissyness

(2sexy4myshirt, yankeeh8r, and pianoman01 are online)

2sexy4myshirt: hey eddie

Pianoman01: if u call me eddie one more time I will kill u

2sexy4myshirt: someones testy today

Yankeeh8r: emmet I advise u shut up

2sexy4myshirt: okkkkkkk

2sexy4myshirt: anyways _Edward, _I know u threatened us with a very painful form of death if we talked about ur nite time activites again but I just have to ask u this.

pianoman01: ok.

2sexy4myshirt: haha jaspy im gonna win the bet

Yankeeh8r: in ur dreams

2sexy4myshirt: that's a really lame comeback

Yankeeh8r: why?

2sexy4myshirt: cause its not like I even can dream I cant even sleep

Yankeeh8r: touché

Pianoman01: can u 2 just get on with it?!

Yankeeh8r: jeesh ok ok.

2sexy4myshirt: u know in breaking dawn when u tell bella u won't "make love" to her again

Pianoman01: yes. What about it?

2sexy4myshirt: what kinda sissy phrase is that??

Pianoman01: its not sissy!

Yankeeh8r: surrre it isn't eddiekins

Pianoman01: well would u rather have me go in to a description of what is???

2sexy4myshirt: NO!!!

Pianoman01: well then it's not sissy

Yankeeh8r: *cough* yes it is *cough*

Pianoman01: I am going to kill u two

2sexy4myshirt: oooo im so scared! Wittle eddiekins is gonna get us jaspy

Pianoman01: grrrrrrrrrrrr

Yankeeh8r: really u r quite violent today

Pianoman01: GRRRRRRRRR

2sexy4myshirt: whats wrong? "woke up" on the wrong side of the bed

(pianoman01 has signed off)

Yankeeh8r: I think _I_ won the bet. Pay up

2sexy4myshirt: fine

Yankeeh8r: I love winning

2sexy4myshirt: SHOOT! HE'S HERE! JASPY SAVE ME!!!!!!

Yankeeh8r: ummm…. NO

( yankeh8r has signed off)


	22. Billy and Charlie get Funky Fresh

**New characters:**

**Charlie: prettypinkponies (it will be explained in the chapter)**

**Billy: papawolf**

(papawolf, prettypinkponies, wolfman5, and lambgrl82 are online)

Wolfman05: Dad is that u?

Papawolf: no it's sue

Wolfman05: oh then I'll go get seth and leah

Papawolf: Jake of course it's billy

Wolfan05: I knew that

Papawolf: sure u did son

Lambgrl82: who is prettypinkponies?

Prettypinkponies: that would be ur father

Lambgrl82: and pray tell why in the world u have a 6 year old girls user name

Wolfman05: u don't have anything u want to tell us do u???

Prettypinkponies: oh u two shut up. It's for work. I have to go undercover to catch cyber predators

Lambgrl82: okkkkk

Wolfman05: and why r u to talking to us

Papawolf: we want to prove that we can be, whats the word for it Charlie?

Prettypinkponies: I think the proper word would be "hip"

Wolfman05: no

Lambgrl82: double no

Papawolf: c'mon. we can be funky fresh

Wolfman05: please tell me u did not just say that

Papawolf: what?

Wolfman05: funky fresh

Prettypinkponies: oh is funky fresh whiggity whack

Lambgrl82: yes dad "funky fresh" is "whiggity whack"

(shewolf#1 has signed on)

Shewolf#1: hey guys whats up??

Papawolf: not much. We're just chillin

Shewolf#1: is that… billy?

Papawolf: billy black is in the hizzhouse

Prettypinkponies: along with his main man Charlie

Lambgrl82: oh god

Wolfman05: just shoot me now

Shewolf#1: well im just gonna leave now…

(shewolf#1 has signed out)

Wolfman05: wow. Even leah ditched us

Lambgrl82: that is sad

Papawolf: r u saying that we aren't funkadelic enuff for u

Wolfman05: YES!!!

Prettypinkponies: oh it's on now

Papawolf: it's on like donkey kong

Lambgrl82: im just gonna leave

Wolfman05: me 2

(wolfman05 and lambgrl82 have signed out)

**A/N: Just to make it clear, right now Billy and Charlie don't realize that Bella and Jake signed out.**

Prettypinkponies: yo mammas so fat she had to go to sea world to get baptized

Papawolf: oh do u want some ice for thatBURN!

No reply

Prettypinkponies: y aren't they responding

Papawolf: they must have so astounded by our mad skissles that they fainted straight away

Prettypinkponies: we are just to hip for them

Papawolf: to tru

**Hehe that was really fun to write. If you want to see more of Billy and Charlie trying to be "funky fresh" then let me know in a review. If you think it was "whiggity whack" let me know that too. **

**I love hopelessly pathetic phrases. Plus I can so see my dad doing this to me. **


	23. New Moon 1100 Reveiw Event

**This is in New Moon time. Exciting isn't it. It's going to be a parody of New Moon through IMing. **

**Also I think you can figure the screen names out but just in case…**

**Jake: vroomvroomrabbit**

**Bella: x1 (this sounds retarded but will be explained later)**

**Embry: wolfman4**

**Sam: wolfman1**

**Quil: big'n'brawny**

**Jessica: istalkmike**

**Mike: istalkbella**

**All Cullen names are the same and Bella and Jakes names will switch back and forth depending on what part of the book. **

(Edward, Bella, and Alice are online)

Shoppaholic123: HAPPY B-DAY BELLA!!!!

Lambgrl82: happy??? U think me aging is _happy???_

Shoppaholic123: wow. Issues much?

Lambgrl82: grrrrrrr

Shoppaholic123: wow I am so scared… NOT

Lambgrl82: I hate u

Pianoman01: so I am definitely not allowed to acknowledge its ur bday rite

Lambgrl82: pretty much

Pianoman01: not even a birthday kiss….

Lambggrl82: well 4 that I can make an exception

Shoppaholic123: ew. Well b4 things get… out of hand I better tell u about the party 2nite

Lambgrl82: u r throwing me a party???

Shoppaholic123: yep

Lambgrl82: complete with cake, presents, balloons, the whole shebang

Shoppaholic123: yep

Lambgrl82: WTF?!?!?!?!?

(lambgrl82 has signed off)

Pianoman01: thanx a lot. Now I don't get a kiss

Shoppaholic123: u r welcome ;)

***

(pianoman01, hotblonde101, 2sexy4myshirt, shoppaholic123, and yankeeh8r are online)

2sexy4myshirt: jasper's in trouble. Jasper's in trouble. Jasper's in trouble

Hotblonde101: u really need to shut up now

2sexy4myshirt: *silence*

Hotblonde101: good

Yankeeh8r: Edward I'm so so so sorry. I didn't mean to erm…

2sexy4myshirt: to try and viciously eat bella???

Pianoman01: thanks for the delicate phrasing em

2sexy4myshirt: ur welcome

Shoppaholic123: y do I suddenly see my two bella visions gone Edward?

Pianoman01: oh um uh… no reason gotta go.

(pianoman01 has signed off)

***

(lambgrl82 and pianoman01 are online)

Lambgrl82: hi Edward

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: c'mon you've been doing this all day

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: ok u leave me no choice

Lambgrl82: I love mike newton

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: Charlie just had a heart attack

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: a serial killer is in the house

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: EDWARD!!! Why won't u talk???

Pianoman01: *crickets*

Lambgrl82: fine. I'll just leave.

(lambgrl82has signed out)

***

(pianoman01 and lambgrl82 are online)

Lambgrl82: hi Edward! R u speaking to me today

Pianoman01: I don't love you anymore

Lambgrl82: what???

Pianoman01: ur not good enuff for me. U should die in a hole.

Lambgrl82: I should???

Pianoman01: u should. Now I am leaving. promise me you'll stay safe

Lambgrl82: so u do love me

Pianoman01: NO!!!! That's only erm….. for Charlies sake. Yeah that's it.

Lambgrl82: u really _don't_ love me!

Pianoman01: yep

Lambgrl82: *hysterical crying*

Pianoman01: im just gonna go now…

(pianoman01 has signed out)

***

(prettiepinkponies and lambgrl82 are online)

Prettypinkponies: that's it I'm sending u home!!!

X1: I am home

Prettypinkponies: u know what I meant

X1: but I haven't done anything

Prettypinkponies: that's the point

X1: oh. Then I'll do something w/ jess

Prettypinkponies: ok have fun

X1: yeah I'll totally have fun whoop-eeeeee.

Prettypinkponies: that's the spirit

(x1 has signed out)

***

(x1 and istalkmike are online)

X1: hey jess, wann-

Istalkmike: *GASP* She talks! Or types…

X1: god calm down. I've talked to you recently

Istalkmike: no u haven't

X1: whatever. Anyways do u want to see a movie with me?

Istalkmike: sure. Which one

X1: ummmmm

Istalkmike: there is a really good romance out-

X1: NO!!!

X1: um I mean…. No I don't really like romance I love….. scary movies….. but no vampires cause those r just to…. Scary! Yeah that's it

Istalkmike: okkkkk. Well then there's a zombie movie that my dad saw.

X1: great. I'll see you then

(x1 has signed out)

*******

**After the movie…**

(istalkmike and istalkbella are online)

Istalkbella: did u ever notice how similar our screen names are.

Istalkmike: um no. I just noticed it *suspicious eye shift*

Istalkbella: weird

Istalkmike: yep

Istalkbella: anyways how did the movie with bella go?

Istalkmike: it was terrible!

Istalkbella: y? I find bella quite interesting and pretty and nice and pretty and smart and did I say pretty?

Istalkmike: ok ok I get it.

Istalkbella: so…

Istalkmike: well first she wanted to see a scary movie then didn't watch most of it

Istalkbella: that doesn't seem so bad. I do that too. In fact I predict I'll do it sometime soon

Istalkmike: but then we were going to mcdonalds to eat and she tried to talk to these creepy guys in a bar. She said she knew them

Istalkbella: ok that is kinda weird

Istalkmike: I couldn't wait to get home!

Istalkbella: I wonder what she'd do if I went to a movie with her?

Istalkmike: who knows…

(istalkmike and istalkbella have signed out)

**I was going to write the whole story on one chapter, but if I did that I wouldn't have gotten anything out for ages. So I decided to do it in two or three parts. **


	24. Magical Vampire Spit

**First of all I'd like to thank everyone who sent virtual "get better soon's" to my Mom. She's doing a lot better and is home now. She was laughing when I told her that a bunch of random people I didn't technically know were giving her get betters'. Thanks for how nice everyone was about it. Hopefully I will get to start writing again. **

**Secondly, I can't come up with anymore for the New Moon thing right now, so I figured that rather than making you guy's wait any longer I'd just post an unrelated chapter and work on that one when I have more inspiration for it. **

(Edward and Carlisle are online)

vampdoc: that's a very interesting concept Edward

pianoman01: thank you Carlisle

(2sexy4myshirt has signed on)

pianoman01: great. Its dumbo

vampdoc: Edward he's not that stupid

2sexy4myshirt: *****gasp*** **I don't have big ears

pianoman01: my point exactly.

Vampdoc: wow

2sexy4myshirt: u people r confusing. So anyway watcha talking about

vampdoc: what it is that make male half vampire venomous when the females aren't

2sexy4myshirt: huh???

Pianoman01: did he use to big of words 4 u emmet?

2sexy4myshirt: yeah

pianoman01: he meant why does nahuel have magical vampire spit when nessie doesn't

2sexy4myshirt: ohhhhhh

vampdoc: magical vampire spit???

Pianoman01: he doesn't no what venom is

Vampdoc: wow. Emmet u truly r idiotic

2sexy4myshirt: how can u b so cruel??

Pianoman01: haha Carlisle likes me better. Carlisle likes me better.

Vampdoc: very mature Edward

Vampdoc: well I've got to go fulfill my duty at the hospital

(vampdoc has signed out)

2sexy4myshirt: hehehe

pianoman01: ???

2sexy4myshirt: he said duty

pianoman01: u no what im done babysitting

2sexy4myshirt: oh ur stuck watching jake. I feel 4 u man

pianoman01: *sigh***** emmet just go play with some sharp objects ok

2sexy4myshirt: ok

pianoman01: and u know a flamethrower couldn't hurt either. Just aim it straight at ur self and…

2sexy4myshirt: Edward im not that stupid. I no that would cause me to freeze

pianoman01: wow. Well have fun!!!

(pianoman01 has signed off)

**That wasn't one of my best. Oh well. Also my apologies to Emmet lovers. I know he's not that stupid, but it's fun to make him seem like that.**


	25. EMO Time

(yankeeh8r and pianoman01 are online)

Yankeeh8r: guess wat time it is Eddie?!

Pianoman01: is this really necessary?

Yankeeh8r: yes

Pianoman01: fine. IT'S EMO TIME!!!

Yankeeh8r: thank u

Pianoman01: why do I hav to do emo time with u anyway?

Yankeeh8r: because ur the only other emoish person in the family. And emo time's no fun alone

Pianoman: tru dat

Yankeeh8r: of course

Pianoman01: anyhow, so now what?

Yankeeh8r: ummmmm……. I know! Have you come up with a way to cut yet?

Pianoman01: no Jasper I haven't. And I don't plan on it either

Yankeeh8r: fine then. B that way.

Pianoman01: I will

Yankeeh8r: ok.

Yankeeh8r: *awkward silence*

Yankeeh8r: anyway… I know! We should sing the EMO song.

Pianoman01: fine.

Yankeeh8r: ready… (**Sang to the Barney Theme song) **I'm emo, you're emo

Pianoman01: we r so miserably emo

Yankeeh8r: with a great big sigh

Pianoman01: and a cut from me to you

Yankeeh8r: won't u say ur emo to

Pianoman01: who came up w/ that song?

Yankeeh8r: idk. Why?

Pianoman01: because I'm gonna go kill them.

Yankeeh8r: there u go! That's the emo spirit. DEATH!

(2sexy4myshirt has signed on)

2sexy4myshirt: hey guys! Woah… that was a really… interesting conversation.

Pianoman01: do you know where to get some construction equipment?

2sexy4myshirt: yeah… why?

Pianoman01: cause I'm gonna go kill some one.

2sexy4myshirt: ok then…

(pianoman01 has signed off)

**Wow this was a lame chapter. Hopefully I'll post a better one soon.**

**P.S. Yes Makenzie, I know that the construction stuff is your thing. Deal with it. I gotta get my inspiration from somewhere… **


	26. Charlie gets the news

(prettypinkponies, pianoman01, lambgrl82, hybridchik07, and wolfman5 are signed on)

(papawolf has signed on)

Papawolf: hey my peeps

Prettypinkponies: hi billy. Whats crack-a-lackin?!

Wolfman5: _dad_! I told u. Ur to old to be hip

Lambgrl82: really u 2 need 2 act ur age

Wolfman5: I have a great idea! Lets all act our real age. Right _Edward_…

Prettypinkponies: what do u mean? Edward acts his age

Pianoman01: nice going Jake

Wolfman5: why thank u

Pianoman01: *facepalm*

Papawolf: my son… the retard

Wolfman5: *gasp* I'm gonna run away into the forest! C'mon ness

Hybridchik07: um… bye

Lambgrl07: be home by 7

Pianoman01: and if he tries anything start screaming RAPE RAPE RAPE

Prettypinkponies: here I think I still have some pepper spray

Hybridchik07: god. U people need a life

Wolfman5: ness hurry up. I'm about t#(9irowqfj0(&(*$& v7 AROOOOOOOOOOO

Hybridchik07:oops he phased again. G2g. love u g-pa

(wolfman5 and hybridchik have signed out)

Prettypinkponies: see. She thinks im hip. G-pa is totally hip

Lambgrl82: suuurrrrrre it is dad

Papawolf: gosh. U blood suckers r so sarcastic

Prettypinkponies: u mean they r……. VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!

Papawolf: oh shizz

Prettypinkponies: *rocking back and forth in fetal position*

Pianoman01: SHIT SHIT SHIT. SWEET MOTHER OF CARLISLE!!!

Lambgrl82: uh oh. He's really mad. He only says that when he's furious

Pianoman01: U BET I'm FURIOUS!!! BILLY BLACK IM GONNA KILL U!

Lambgrl82: run, billy, run!!!

Lambgrl82: I mean, roll, billy, roll!!!

(pianoman01 and papawolf have signed out)

Prettypinkponies: so it's tru

Lambgrl82: yep

Prettypinkponies: r u gonna suck my blood

Lambgrl82: nope. We r vegetarians. We only eat animals

Prettypinkponies: but then that's not vegetarian

Lambgrl82: compared to eating humans it is

Prettypinkponies: no it's not

Lambgrl82: never mind.

Prettypinkponies: ok. I'm gonna go faint now.

Lambgrl82: okkkkkkkk

Prettypinkponies:: *faint*

Lambgrl82: wow. He was srs

(lambgrl82 has signed off)

**TO BE CONTINUED… **

I love Billy and Charlie ones. Also I actually got into an argument with my dad over whether or not the Cullen's were vegetarian. It was hilarious. It lasted about 15 minutes. Finally I just gave up.

Also, if you are a victim of Ihatetrackinitis (a fatal disease in which if you run more than five feet in five minutes your lungs catch on fire) than copy and paste this onto your profile.


	27. Enter VOLTURI!

**Sorry (again) for the long wait. For half the week I have an excuse of being at a concert or rehearsal or game from around 4 hours a night. The rest of the time I was just being lazy ********. **

**Also as usual a lot of my inspiration for this chapter came from **_**in the hallway with jeans. **_**I figured I'd say it now so I don't get a huge review from her saying that I copied. Gotta love your friends!**

**New screen names:**

**Aro- rainbowbeliever (if you don't get it search **_**gay rainbow **_**on Google)**

**Caius- caius2**

**Marcus- marcus3**

**Jane- feeltheburn**

**Alec- anesthetic**

**Demitri- finderskeepers**

(Everyone but the wolves are signed on)

Prettypinkponies: so let me get this straight. U drink animal blood, u don't sleep, u r immortal, & nessies a half vamp

Lambgrl82: perrrrrrrrty much

Prettypinkponies: _that's_ not a lot to take in

Prettypinkponies: so, how old r u all

Vampdoc: I was born in the mid 1600's

Yankeeh8r: mid 1800's

Mommydearest: early 1900's

Hotblonde101: 1920's

2sexy4myshirt: same here

Shoppaholic123: me 2. I think…

Pianoman01: 1901

2sexy4myshirt: HE WAS THE 100 YEAR OLD VIRGIN!!!

Lambgrl82: NOT appropriate em

Prettypinkponies: ugh. Tmi

2sexy4myshirt: srry… NOT

2sexy4myshirt: OH AND ALSO WE SPARKLE!!!

Mommydearest: can u please stop shouting?

2sexy4myshirt: NO!!!

Prettypinkponies: u…. sparkle???

Lambgrl82: yeah. In the sun

Shoppaholic123: actually it's more of a glitter

2sexy4myshirt: NUH UH!!! CLEARLY IT'S SPARKLE

Pianoman01: they're the same thing

Shoppaholic123: u didn't

Pianoman01: um… I did?

2sexy4myshirt: *gasp* DON'T MAKE ME SNAP MY FINGERS IN A Z FORMATION!!!

Yankeeh8r: DON"T MAKE ME MOVE MY HEAD IN A HEAD ROTATION

Hybridchik07: do not do that eeeeeeevvvvvver again. For the love of all things holy

Shoppaholic123: really. I mean rite now u should b saying srry to god

2sexy4myshirt: SRRY GOD!!!

Yankeeh8r: srry

Hotblonde101: remind me again why I married the over-sized 2 year old

2sexy4myshirt: cause the over-sized 2 year old knows how 2 get it _**on**__!_

Prettypinkponies: ok people! Lets keep it PG. theres kids in here

Hybridchik07: gramps hate 2 break it to ya, but even though I look 13 and am technically 3 my mind is more like 20

Prettypinkponies: *sniffle* she's growin up so fast *sniffle*

Shoppaholic123: I still say it's glitter

2sexy4myshirt: nuh uh. It's sparkle

Shoppaholic123: glitter!!!

2sexy4myshirt: sparkle!!!

Shoppaholic123: GLITTER

2sexy4myshirt: SPARKLE

Shoppaholic123: GLITTER!!!

2sexy4myshirt: SPARKLE!!!

Yankeeh8r: this is gonna take a while

**Meanwhile, in Volterra…**

Rainbowbeliever: WHO CHANGED MY SCREEN NAME?!?!?!

Finderskeepers: I did, master

Rainbowbeliever: why thank u. I just loooooovvvvvve it!!!

Feeltheburn: um…. Master? U _do_ no what that means don't u?

Rainbowbeliever: of course my child. It means that I believe that there is a pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow

Anesthetic: sure it does *cough*not*cough*

(caius2 and marcus3 sign in)

Caius2: I am the the mood for a evil takeover. Which coven should we attack today?

Rainbowbeliever: I don't know, brother.

Caius2: I know, we should check our soothsayer! Oh wait we don't _have_ one since u were chicken s**t and didn't fight

Marcus3: r u ever going to let that go

Caius2: NO!!! I WILL NOT LET THAT TERRIBLE ACT OF FRICKIN' COWARDICE GO!!!

Feeltheburn: okkkkkk then

Caius2: and btw wth is up w/ your f-ing screen name Aro

Rainbowbeliever: Demitri changed it for me

Caius2: good choice demitri

Finderskeepers: aw shucks

Marcus3: *whining* I'm booooooorrrrrrred!

Anesthetic: *fainted*

Feeltheburn: miracles _do_ exist!!!

Finderskeepers: I think the world just stopped.

Marcus3: what? Can't a guy show some emotion, now a days

Caius2: I didn't think it was f-ing possible for u to have emotion

Marcus3: oh u wanna go???

Caius2: it's on. Bring it old man

Rainbowbeliever: now now my lovers, i- I mean _brothers. _I think that all this anger can be cured by a trip to the Cullens

Anesthetic: road trip!!!

Caius2: ok! Maybe we'll get to kill someone!

Marcus3: we can only hope

Rainbowbeliever: TO FORKS!!!

**Gosh, I didn't know Caius had such a potty mouth. It just kinda seemed right. And now what will happen??? I mean really, you have a sailor Caius, an emotional Marcus, a gay and proud Aro, and 3 evil minions. What could go wrong…?**


	28. Volturi in Forks

_**Italics **_are narratorish person.

_Italics _are thoughts

**(3****rd**** person POV)**

_**It started out as an ordinary day in the Cullen home. Jake, Emmet, and Jasper were playing video games, Alice, Ness, and Rosalie were having a mini- fashion show, Carlisle was reading a ancient book "borrowed" from the Smithsonian, Esme was making plans for a new cottage after Edward and Bella's excursion into "foreign languages", and Edward was trying to teach Bella how to play piano. How quickly ordinary can turn into just plain retarded. **_

_**Because, in Port Angeles, a certain group of demonic vampires were getting off their private jet, painted pink, courtesy of Aro. **_

"Why did you paint it friggin pink?" mumbled Caius.

"What was that?" Aro asked, totally unaware he was being made fun of.

"I _said_-" Caius started.

"He said that he just loved the color, master," Demitri piped up, shooting a dirty look at Caius.

"Oh why thank you Caius. And look, here's our ride."

Their ride turned out to be a yellow bug. "This is a clown car!" growled Caius.

_**But enough of their bickering, back to the Cullen's…**_

"OH GUACAMOLE AND SPINICH DIP!" shouted Alice.

"What?" asked everyone in creepy, Disney channel-like unison.

"THE FREAKING VOLTURI ARE COMING!"

"Oh no, now we have no Nahuel to save us," said Esme.

"Yeah he'd be all like, 'I am Nahuel, the jungle cat. Rawr," exclaimed Emmet in an odd voice, and making a scratching motion with his hand.

"Wow that was…" Nessie trailed off.

"Gay?" asked Jake.

"Exactly."

"Moving on…" Carlisle sighed.

"Yessir," said Nessie and Jake at same time causing them to erupt in giggles.

Suddenly the front door burst open. "We're here!" exclaimed Aro.

"EEK!!!" screamed Emmet in a girly voice, before diving under the couch, a maneuver that didn't work so well considering that he was 10 times as tall as the space underneath.

Aro graciously pretending not to notice, immediately pranced over to Edward. "Hi handsome," he crooned.

Bella sent him a death glare that he didn't notice. Edward barely repressed a shudder. "Hi Aro," he squeaked.

In a second Caius, Marcus, and the evil minions strode in. "Stupid clown car. I must burn that when we get home," he muttered to himself, rubbing his back.

"Ermmm, Caius, you can't have a back ache. You're a vampire," Carlisle reminded him.

"What??? Oh yes right," he replied distractedly. I say distractedly because he was busy staring at Emmet in disbelief. _What the hell is he doing? _

"What the hell is he doing?" he asked. Caius was never the one to keep his mouth shut when he should.

"I'm hiding from you disturbing, gay, evil, vampires," hissed Emmet from under the couch. He was never one to keep his mouth shut either.

"GASP! THIS MEANS _WAR_!" shouted Marcus, before letting loose a war cry.

"Wow! Marcus got some emotion. I can feel it!" exclaimed Jasper.

"So what, you couldn't get any emotion from him before?" asked Jane.

"Yep."

"That's weird."

"Totally."

"Ok, let me say it again. THIS MEANS _WAR!_" shouted Marcus for the second time.

"Oh, I get it now!" giggled Aro, who started a sissy fight with Edward. Actually _attempted _to start a sissy fight with Edward. Edward merely looked at him with a frightened expression on his face.

Everyone else just sat and looked awkwardly at each other.

Finally Alec broke the silence with, "This is idiotic. I'm going to wait in the car." He got up and walked out.

"You know, he's right. I am too. Hasta la vista, Baby," quoted Caius. He followed Alec out the door.

"Terminator quote. I _love _it!" shouted Aro.

"Wow…" sighed Demitri, shaking his head.

"Why are you even here?" asked Carlisle.

"Cause we got bored," explained Marcus.

"Wow. Marcus bored. What a shocker," whispered Rose to Emmet.

"Hey! I heard that!" complained Marcus.

"And I care why…?" asked Rose.

"Enough!" shouted Jasper.

"I agree. This was a… nice visit, but you people need to leave," pleaded Carlisle.

"No," said Aro.

"Why?" asked Bella.

"Cause it's fun to be annoying," answered Aro.

"Yep. We are annoying! We we are annoying!" chorused Jane and Demitri.

"Ok. That's it. Goodbye," Edward said. He pushed Aro towards the door and Bella, Emmet, and Rose followed his lead.

They pushed the remaining members of the Volturi out the door. "Goodbye and good riddance," were Edwards parting words.

**Wow. That was lame. I just out-lamed myself. Well at least with that out of the way I can get started on better chapters.**

**Please take pity on me and don't give me a bad reviews cause this chapter is lame. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all, and all that jazz. **

**Also, those of you who have seen the disgustingly wrong movie Fired Up, I bet you can tell I watched it this weekend. **


	29. Chapter 29

**This is actually being put up by my wonderful Mom. I am currently at my Grandma's because my family from California is there for their annual summer vacation. Right now I am probably dying to escape. Her house is **_**crowded**_**! Me, my 15 year old step-cousin, my 9 year old cousin, my 8 year old cousin, 2 uncles, 1 aunt, and my Grandparents. In a three bedroom house. Not fun. Hopefully I'll make it out alive…**

**ECLIPSE TIME!!!**

(pianoman01, shoppaholic123, and lambgrl82 are online)

Lambgrl82: hey Alice, hey Edward

shoppaholic123: hi Bella

pianoman01: hello love.

Lambgrl82: im hungggggggggggggggry

Shoppaholic123: *having vision* oh this is gonna be good. *grins evily*

Pianoman01: uh oh…

Lambgrl82: edwaaaaaarrrrd. Im hungggggry!!!

Pianoman01: *sigh* what for?

Lambgrl82: a peanut butter and pickle sandwich

Pianoman01: WHAT?!?!

Lambgrl82: pweaaaaaaaase Eddikins

Pianoman01: ok, love

shoppaholic123: speaking for emmet- WHIPPED!!!

Pianoman01: I hate u

shoppaholic123: I'm ok with that

pianoman01: of freaking course u are

(shoppaholic123 has signed out)

lambgrl82: Edward. I changed my mind

pianoman01: of course you did. What do you want now?

Lambgrl82: filet mignon. Medium rare. With a baked potato on the side.

Pianoman01: I'll get right on that. One medium rare filet mignon with a baked potato, coming right up.

Lambgrl82: that's not what I said

Pianoman01: yes it is

Lambgrl82: nope. I said Hawaiian pizza.

Pianoman01: no you didn't. I have proof. Just scroll up.

Lambgrl82: I. Said. Hawaiian. Pizza.

Pianoman01: fine Hawaiian pizza then.

Lambgrl82: silly Edward. You know that I h8 Hawaiian pizza.

Pianoman01: but you said that's what you wanted.

Lambgrl82: no I didn't. I said nachos. God, u need to get ur eyes checked.

Pianoman01: ok then, nachos it is.

Lambgrl82: EDWARD!!! Stop playing around. U know as well as I do that I said lasagna.

Pianoman01: *gritting teeth* fine. Lasagna.

Lambgrl82: Edward this isn't funny anymore. For the last time I said eggs and bacon!

Pianoman01: You said—OH NEVER MIND!!! I give up! Make your own damn food.

(pianoman01 has signed out)

Lambgrl82: what'd I do?

**Bella and her human cravings. LOL.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!! It will make me happy when I'm stuck at my Grandmas.**


	30. Pack Names

**Sam: alphawolf**

**Jared: jandk**

**Paul: I DON'T have temper issues**

**Embry: who_let_the_dogs_out**

**Quil: 4everClaires**

**Seth: edwardsbff1**

**Leah: SheWolf#1**

**Jacob: wolfman5**

(All but Sam are signed on to the **No Vampires Allowed! **chat room)

**Edwardsbff1:** I'm BOOOORRRRREEEEEDDDD!

**I DON'T have temper issues:** Then go hang out with your "bff"

**Edwardsbff1:** But he said that he and Bella are having an important discussion

**Wolfman5:** EWWWW! I DID NOT NEEED TO KNOW THAT ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND AND HER ANNOYING VAMPY HUSBAND!!!

**Edwardsbff:** Know what???

**Edwardsbff: **And Edward isn't annoying! He is amazingly perfect in every way!

**SheWolf#1:** God Seth. You really don't know what they're doing? And I am going to ignore that last comment for the sake of my mental health.

**Edwardsbff:** of course I do! They're talking!

**SheWolf#1:** *face palm*

**Edwardsbff1:** I don't get it! What am I missing???

**Wolfman5:** let it go

**Edwardsbff1:** but!

**Wolfman5:** Let. It. Go.

**Edwardsbff1:** fine…

(alphawolf has signed in to the **No Vampires Allowed! **chat room)

**Alphawolf:** We need to decide what to do for Quileute Pride Day.

**Jandk:** since when has there been "Quileute Pride Day"???

**Alphawolf:** since about… *checks watch* five minutes ago

**4everClaires:** What is it?

**Alphawolf:** It's a special day to commemorate the history of our tribe.

**I DON'T have temper issues:** And why do we have to do something?

**Alphawolf:** the Elders want the packs to actively support it to make others support it.

**SheWolf#1:** yay.

**Alphawolf:** C'mon, I thought you guys would be pumped! Just think of the things we could do…

**Edwardsbff1:** like what? Act out skits from our tribes history?

**Alphawolf:** That's a GREAT idea Seth!!!

**Edwardsbff1:** Wait NO!

**Who_let_the_dogs_out:** Nice going Seth.

**Alphawolf:** This will be so COOL! We can do the spirit warriors… I can't believe you came up with such a great idea Seth!

**Jandk:** yeah, _such_ a great idea.

**Shewolf#1:** I think I have to ask mom to disown you Seth.

**4everClaires:** this sucks

**Alphawolf:** you know, I'm getting the feeling that you guys don't like that idea.

**Wolfman5:** *sarcasticly* NOOOOO.

**I DON'T have temper issues:** now where did you get THAT idea from???

**Alphawolf:** oh, shut up

**Alphawolf:** I don't see u guys coming up with anything

**Edwardsbff1:** we could make up native American names for each other

**Alphawolf:** YES! That is EXACTLY what we'll do!

**Who_let_the_dogs_out:** this isn't going to end well…

**I DON'T have temper issues:** I have a great one for Seth!

**Edwardsbff1:** oh no…

**I DON'T have temper issues:** he who is an idiot. Isn't it perfect?!

**4everClaires:** yeah!

**Alphawolf:** well I'm just gonna let u keep working on them.

(alphawolf has signed out)

**Edwardsbff1:** I am instating a rule that these things have to be nice

**Wolfman5:** who died and made you alpha?

**Edwardsbff1:** fiiiinnnneee. They don't have to be nice.

**Edwardsbff1**: but mine has to be something cool like, Dances with wolves.

**Shewolf#1:** Cheater! We just watched that movie last night!

**Wolfman5:** and besides, I'M instating a rule that you can't come up with your own.

**Edwardsbff1**: well who made You alpha???

**Wolfman5:** Seth, do I really have to answer that question

**Edwardsbff1:** Oh… I get it now!

**Jandk:** ANNNNNNYYYY ways…

**4everClaires:** I think that Pauls should be, He Who is a Spaz

**I DON'T have temper issues: **fair enuff ;)

**Who_let_the_dogs_out:** Jakes should be Runs With Vampires

**Edwardsbff1:** why does HEEEE get a cool name?!?!?

**Wolfman5:** because I'm alpha now shut up.

**Edwardsbff1:** I'M LEAVING!!!

**Shewolf#1:** go ahead

**Edwardsbff1:** no really. I'm LEAVING!!!

**Jandk: **ok we get it. Go.

**Edwardsbff1:** UUURRRRGGGGHHH!!!!

(edwardsbff1 has signed out)

**I DON'T have temper issues: **sissy

**Wolfman5:** You know what, Leahs should be He Who is Bitter.

**Shewolf#1:** HEEEEEE!!! I AM NOT A FREAKING HEEEEEEEE!!!! Afh27*&94 jwhf bq326 *phase*

**Wolfman5:** uh oh. I better go.

(wolfman5 has signed out)

**4everClaires:** this is stupid. Who gives a vampires boob about "Quileute Pride Day" any way.

(4everClaires has signed out)

**Who_let_the_dogs_out:** by golly he's right

(all signed out)

I am SOOOOOOOO sorry about how long it's taken me to get this stupid chapter up! First I was at my Grandmas for a week, then I was on vacation for a week and a half, then I was at Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp for 2 weeks. This coupled with writers block does not make for much writing. SORRY!!!

Also, no offence intended to anyone who is Native American. I just thought that this would be a fun conversation between the wolves. I did NOT intend to offend anyone!


	31. Goth

**YAY! I'm officially over two hundred reviews! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed (even you Makenzie, though you don't actually review the story. You just insult me. But anyway…) You guys have no idea how much getting reviews makes my day. **

(lambgrl82, hybridchik07, and shoppaholic123, are online)

Hybridchik07: I am deciding to go Goth.

Hybridchik07: and it will be epically epic.

Lambgrl82: Ness, you can't just _decide _to be Goth. You either are or you aren't.

Shoppaholic123: and you are definitely NOT. You're cheery, non-suicidal, and you hate black.

Hybridchik07: sooooooo???? Your point is….

Shoppaholic123: I think the dog's rubbing off on her.

Lambgrl82: unfortunately I think you're right

Shoppaholic123: but at any rate, you aren't Goth.

Hybridchik07: I can be Goth if I want to be, gosh dangit!

Lambgrl82: you can't even swear (not that I want you too) but you're gonna be suicidal and angry. Riiiiigggghhhhttt.

Hybridchik07: you want me to swear??? Oh I'll swear.

Hybridchik07: BEEP BEEP YOU BEEP! BEEP BEEP BEEPITY-BEEP! BEEP I hope you BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!

Shoppaholic123: that's not swearing. That's saying "beep".

Hybridchik07: it still counts

Lambgrl82: no. it doesn't.

Hybridchik07: well I'll be Goth anyway.

Shoppaholic123: Ness, you aren't Goth. You just aren't.

Hybridchik07: NO ONE IN THIS FAMILY SUPPORTS ME!!! THEY ALL HATE ME. EVEN JACOB WANTED TO KILL ME!!! I AM UN-LOVED!!! I SHOULD GO DIE IN A HOLE WITH ERIK! **(anyone read the HoN series?) **WE CAN BE WORTHLESS TOGETHER!!! NOT LIKE THIS EARTH LIKES ME ANYWAY! JUST YESTERDAY THE COKE MACHINE WOULDN'T TAKE MY DOLLAR!! SEE NOTHING LIKES ME!!! I'M GONNA GO DIG MYSELF A HOLE!!!

(hybridchik07 has signed out)

Shoppaholic123: Holy shiznits! She IS Goth!!!

**There was this one guy at my school who just decided that he wanted to be Goth. Now, he was the complete opposite of your stereotypical "Goth". We tried to convince him not to, but he did anyway. So, he put red streaks in his hair, wore all black, and painted his nails black. Then one day he comes to school in his normal clothes. When we asked if he gave the Goth thing up he goes, "No. I just ran out of black clothes." It was really funny.**

**Also I got the Coke machine thing from a friend at Blue Lake. She had been trying to get a drink from the machine before a concert. But the machine wouldn't take her dollar so she didn't get her drink. So she literally started crying. Later she said that she had no clue why she was crying. It was really funny! Again!**


	32. Bank Robbery

**I received a review complaining about the fact that I made fun of being Goth in my last chapter. I meant to reply by PM until I realized that the reviewer was either not logged on or doesn't have an account. So this is for **_**monkeyscan'tstandme **_**if they're still reading and everyone else. I was using the stereotypical version of Goth, which I know is not what they're really like. This was merely for humor and I wasn't trying to insult anyone. I'm sorry that I did.**

**Now on with the chapter. **

Shopaholic123: hi, bella, buddy o' pal, my favorite sister, bestest vampire in the whole wide world!

Lambgrl82: what do you want?

Shopaholic123: now why would you assume that I _want_ something? Can't a girl just be nice to her bestest friend.

Lambgrl82: not when that girl is you during the blow-out sale at the mall. You want something.

Shopaholic123: psshh. would I EVER suck up to you just to get something? *bats eye-lashes*

Lambgrl82: Alice, cut the crap. You want something. Just tell me what it is.

Shopaholic123: well… I'mkindasortacompletelyandutterlybroke. **(I'm kinda sorta completely and utterly broke.)**

Lambgrl82: how can YOU be broke? You have enough money to buy half the nation!

Shopaholic123: well… you know how Carlisle finally cut me off cause I MAY have spent a LITTLE too much at the sale?

Lambgrl82: MAY have spent a LITTLE too much??? Alice, you bought 20 pairs of shoes. Not to mention the designer wedding dress you just wanted to "have on hand".

Shopholic123: That's not fair! You never know when you may need a wedding dress!

Lambgrl82: ANNNNYYYY WAYYYS…

Shopaholic123: so, he cut me off, but I still hadn't gotten to the whole mall. So I just used credit cards.

Lambgrl82: which now you can't pay off.

Shopaholic123: oh, well I already paid them off

Lambgrl82: How???

Shopaholic123: I may or may not have robbed a bank or two

Lambgrl82: ALICE!

Shopaholic123: and I got caught, so now I'm in jail.

Lambgrl82: oh my freaking god. How the heck are to im-ing me???

Shopaholic123: I'm snuck out of the cell while the officer went for doughnuts. I'm using his computer.

Lambgrl82: did you call Carlisle?

Shopaholic123: Yeah. He won't post bail. He said this was a "good experience" for me.

Lambgrl82: so, whats bail?

Shopaholic123: 200,000. On top of the 800,000 I stole since I had already used it.

Lambgrl82: 1 million dollars. 1 million freaking dollars. *sigh* I'll be there in a few Alice.

Shopaholic123: THANK YOU! And hurry! The guy in here with me smells like cheese. D, :

Lambgrl82: *face-palm*

(shopaholic123 and lambgrl82 have signed out)

**Ha ha. I had no clue how this was going to turn out until I wrote it. It definitely had a mind of its own. Review PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	33. Builder Dan

**Disclaimer: I have always thought these are stupid. Cause, if I owned Twilight I would **_**totally **_**be writing fan fiction about it. But I figure its good to put them in once in a while so… I do not own Twilight or the Wiggles. **

Pianoman01: Hey, Emmet, who would you recommend for explosives?

2sexy4myshirt: And why would Mr. Perfect need explosives?

Pianoman01: No, reason…

2sexy4myshirt: Well, do you want someone who will wind up leaking your info to the cops or someone trustworthy?

Pianoman01: Why the hell would you want someone who would rat you out?

2sexy4myshirt: No, reason…

Pianoman01: *shakes head in disgust*

2sexy4myshirt: Shut up!

Pianoman01: I didn't _say_ anything

2sexy4myshirt: You thought it.

Pianoman01: So what, now you're me?

2sexy4myshirt: Are you _trying _to be annoying?

Pianoman01: Nooooooooo

2sexy4myshirt: Really???

Pianoman01: Oh my GOD Emmett! YES I AM TRYING TO BE ANNOYING!

2sexy4myshirt: oh.

2sexy4myshirt: ANYWAYS… who do you want?

Pianoman01: The trustworthy one. Obviously.

2sexy4myshirt: Then I would go with Builder Dan.

Pianoman01: Builder Dan?!?!

2sexy4myshirt: Oh, yeah, Builder Dan's great. He's one of my 5 favorite people

Pianoman01: Who else is on the list?

2sexy4myshirt: Rose, Carlisle, Chuck Norris, and the red Wiggle

Pianoman01: Of course.

2sexy4myshirt: Here, how about I take you to his location. I need some dynamite. I'm running low.

Pianoman01: WHO uses enough dynamite to run low after buying 200 pounds of it???

2sexy4myshirt: Me. Now shut up and let's go.

**LATER**

Pianoman01: Did you know that Dan's real name is Eugene?

2sexy4myshirt: EUGENE?!?!?!? You are ruining my 5 favorite people list!!! Why did you tell me?

Pianoman01: Because I thought it would be funny to see your reaction.

Pianoman01: He also lives with his mom and loves to knit.

2sexy4myshirt: I hate you.

Pianoman01: Good to know.

2sexy4myshirt: Well, since you COMPLETELY and TOTALLY SCREWED UP MY FAVORITE PEOPLE the least you can do is tell my why you bought the dynamite.

Pianoman01: I bought it to blow up yours, which will happen in 3, 2, 1…

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

2sexy4myshirt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! CURSE YOU!!!! I'MA GONNA SIC THE PEDO-WOLVES ON YOU!!!!

Pianoman01: Haha

(pianoman01 has signed out)

2sexy4myshirt: I really do hate him. Stupid Edward.

**I have been acting seriously blonde this week! First, when asked what 3 cubed is, I said 9. Then I looked up two definitions when they were already on my paper. And last but not least, I was taking my calculator out of its case and somehow managed to do it so that the calculator flew out of my hands and hit the desk during the teachers lecture. Thank God it's the weekend!**


	34. Hot and Bothered

**(hybridchik07 has signed in)**

Hotblonde101: But Jake just gets me all hot and bothered.

Hybridchik07: WHAT?!?!?

Hotblonde101: Oh, Nessie. I didn't realize that you were on.

Hybridchik07: OBVIOUSLY!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?!

Hotbonde101: Wait! It's not what you think!

Hybridchik07: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO UNCLE EMMET?!?! YOU _ARE_ A BITCH!

**(hybridchik07 has signed out)**

Hotblonde101: That was a poor choice of words.

Lambgrl82: _Ya_ _think?_

**PREVIOUSLY**

Hotblonde101: UGH! I HATE THAT FILTHY, DIGUSTING, UNSANITARY _DOG!!!_

Shoppaholic123: What did Jake do this time?

Hotblonde101: He rolled in mud with the Others, then came inside and put his arm around me!

Lambgrl82: So….?

Hotblonde101: SO… I'm going to be washing dirt out of my hair for _ages_ and the stain will never come out of my top.

Shoppaholic123: Which one? Because if it was the one-of-a-kind Diane von Furstenberg I _will _kill him!

Hotblonde101: No, thank God. It was the Calvin Klein. But still! It's the principle!

Lambgrl82: I swear, it's like you two are speaking a foreign language.

Hotblonde101: Do you not care about my problem?!?! _IT MUST DIE! _Are you in?

Shoppaholic123: I don't get why you have such an issue with Jake. I think he's ok, besides the smell.

Hotblonde101: It is not a _he_.

Lambgrl82: Rose. You need to let it go.

**And this is where the stuff at the beginning would go. **


	35. Unethical Edna

Edwardsbff1: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!

Shewolf#1: What the fuck Seth?

Edwardsbff1: I just imprinted!

Shewolf#1: WHAT?!?!?!

Edwardsbff1: Well, I was at the store buying hotdogs for the barbecue tonight, and this old lady on one of those motorized shopping carts comes flying around the corner and almost runs into me. So, I am about to start swearing when I accidently looked into her eyes and BAM; insta-imprint!

Shewolf#1: Seriously. An old lady. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of imprinting?

Edwardsbff1: I know! It's totally bizarre. And kind of illegal given that I'm 16. EW! I just puked a little in my mouth. BAD MENTAL IMAGES!!!

Shewolf#1: I think you're just totally wrong.

Edwardsbff1: Come on! You cannot mistake an imprint! Even a creepy, perverted one!

Shewolf#1: I bet _you _can.

Edwardsbff1: Well, you have no way to tell, now do you?

Shewolf#1: Oh, but I do. Go get Jake and phase with him then get to a computer.

Edwardsbff1: Fiiiiiinnnnneeeee.

(edwardsbff1 has signed off)

**LATER**

Shewolf#1: Soooo, is our little Sethy-poo stuck with Unethical Edna?

Wolfman5: Can't talk. Too busy trying to figure out a safe way to pour bleach into my brain.

Shewolf#1: Why?

Wolfman5: Seth, an old lady, and Edwards piano. Where you're little brother came up with these mental images I do NOT want to know. But no, he is NOT NOT NOT imprinted.

Shewolf#1: Well that's good. Now how about we go find that bleach now.

**Ok, first things first, I am SO sorry about not updating. I am firmly convinced that advanced math homework is going to eat me alive. **

**Secondly, I have a funny story. So, last night was homecoming, and my friends and I were at the game. My friend, **_**in the hallway with jeans, **_**and another one of my friends named Tommy got into a fight squirting this water bottle at each other. They're spraying everyone in the general area when a cop comes over. Me and the guy next to me immediately start backing away, but ITHWJ, Tommy, and one of my other friends were trapped. So the cop says, and I quote,"Don't make me take you out of the game," all menacingly then walks away. I was freaking out the whole time because my Dad was about 10 feet away. I always knew ITHWJ would get me into trouble with the law, LOL.**


	36. Mr Fluff

**ECLIPSE TIME**

Lambgrl82: How could you, you stupid mutt?!?!

Wolfman5: How could I what?

Lambgrl82: You know what you did!

Wolfman5: No, I don't. What did I do?

Lambgrl82: You chased Mister Fluff up a tree!

Wolfman5: Bella. I'm a wolf not a dog.

Lambgrl82: *indignant sniff* Like that's an excuse.

Wolfman5: Besides, I haven't been near your house in months.

Lambgrl82: Then how do you explain the humongous paw prints, huh?

Wolfman5: How big is "humongous"? Because I'll bet what you're seeing is a raccoon print or something.

Lambgrl82: NO IT'S NOT!!!

Wolfman5: Ok, then, it's not a raccoon print.

Lambgrl82: Thank you.

Lambgrl82: But I still think it's your fault.

Wolfman5: I swear it's not my fault.

Wolfman5: And since when have you had a cat???

Lambgrl82: Since never!

Lambgrl82: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT!!! *hysterical laughter*

Wolfman5: Shut up.


	37. Vampires are People too!

**Eclipse Time**

Pianoman01: Ew. Why are _you _here Mongrel?

Wolfman5: I resent that you arrogant douche bag!

Pianoman01: Stupid Mutt!

Wolfman5: Stuck-up sissy!

Pianoman01: Irresponsible, unstable flea bag!!!

Wolfman5: Boring, depressed emo!!!

Pianoman01: Dirty, sloppy dog!!!

Wolfman5: Over-protective, perfectionist, conceited, evil, drama king!!!

Pianoman01: Yeah? Well, you stink!

Wolfman5: Lame. El Lamio. Seriously, words can't explain and numbers cannot count to how epically lame that was.

Pianoman01: VAMPIRES ARE PEOPLE TOO!!!

(pianoman01 has signed out)

**TEMPTED IS OUT!!! TEMPTED IS OUT!!! TEMPTED IS OUT!!! For everyone who doesn't know, Tempted is the lasted book in the vampyre series **_**House of Night **_**by P.C. and Kristin Cast. If you haven't read them then you should. They are extremely good!!!**


	38. Jack Rabbit

**SO, I was going to finish the New Moon thing in honor of the movie coming out, but my Mom accidently deleted it. And I can't remember most of what I wrote, so I decided to do what any good procrastinator would, and said, "Screw it; I'll work on it later". So far later STILL hasn't come. But one day I swear it will. Maybe belatedly for Eclipse. **

**Actually life in general has been kind of like that lately. I mean me being lazy. Except that I've been really busy at the same time. But I digress. **

**At any rate hopefully my unofficial hiatus is over. I have some more chapters stored up that should get me through the next month. **

(THIS IS SET WHEN NESSIE IS AN ADULT)

Hybridchik07: Jake! How could you do this, you… you… you jack rabbit?!!!

Wolfman5: Jack rabbit? What kind of insult is that?

Hybridchik07: Don't distract me! I will not be distracted! Why did you do it?!

Wolfman5: Seth and Embry tricked me! It's their fault!

Hybridchik07: Wait! You actually did something?!

Wolfman5: Psh, of course not. Why would you ever think a silly thing like that?

Hybridchik07: Because you just said so!

Wolfman5: No I didn't! You must be imagining things.

Hybridchik07: Jake. All you have to do is scroll up and you can see that you said that Dumb, and Dumb Ass tricked you into doing something.

Wolfman5: Well I'll be damned! You're right! I must have been sleep typing.

Hybridchik07: Jake, cut the crap. What did you do?

Wolfman5: I'd just like to start with reminding you that none of this is my fault.

Hybridchik07: What. Did. You. Do?

Wolfman5: Well, we were hanging out in Seattle for Paul's bachelor party. Paul, Jared, Sam, Quil and I refused were refusing to go to the club like Embry and Seth wanted us to. So we were wandering around town with nothing to do. Finally we decided to bet on who could do the most jello shots at this bar. And may I just say that I TOTALLY won! 20!

Hybridchik07: You're not helping yourself here.

Wolfman5: Anyways, we wound up drunk. But we didn't want to go home so we decided to play paintball. Seth and Embry convinced me that it'd be awesome to load super glue into the gun. So I did. And I may have possibly misaimed and hit this 12 year old kid instead of Paul.

Hybridchik07: Please tell me there were no charges.

Wolfman5: Well… the kids dad was pretty mad. The kid had to go to the hospital because I misaimed into his face. And the police may have been called. So I was arrested.

Hybridchik07: Oh God. I am going to KILL you!

Wolfman5: But it turned out fine! They broke me out!

Hybridchik07: So you're telling me that you were arrested because you hit a kid in the face with a paint gun loaded with super glue because you were drunk on jello shots and then you BROKE OUT OF PRISON!!!

Wolfman5: Pretty much.

Hybridchik07: UGH!!! YOU ARE DEAD YOU MUTT!

(hybridchik07 has signed out)

Wolfman5: What'd I do?

**Oh, one thing I forgot in my huge authors note: I'm changing my username. It's now **_**lunar-eclipse95. **_


	39. Man Journal's and Mista Sista's

**See I wasn't lying! I actually updated within a week. Skills I know. **

4everClaires: Yes! I can't believe we pulled this off!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Seth'll never know what hit him.

(shewolf#1 has signed in)

Shewolf#1: Did you idiots get it?!

4everClaires: Why yes we did my sista from another mista.

Shewolf#1: Quil, I never want to hear you say that again.

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Seriously. That is just not cool.

4everClaires: Well, you know what? Your face isn't cool!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Quil, I am telling you this as you friend. You need better catch-phrases.

Shewolf#1: Really. Where did you get these things?

4everClaires: From what we stole.

Who_let_the_dogs_out: You're using lines from Seth's MAN JOURNAL?!?!

Shewolf#1: Lord you're as bad as Seth. It is a DIARY not a "man journal".

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Speaking of, what else is in it?

4everClaires: Um…. Lets see…. He is deathly afraid of cats, he likes to watch The Note Book when he's home alone, and OH EW! That's just wrong!

Shewolf#1: What?!

4everClaires: He referred to Bella as a MILF!!!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: THAT IS SICK!

4everClaires: I know, right?!

Shewolf#1: I just puked in my mouth a little bit.

4everClaires: … AWKWARD TURTLE!!!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Quil, STOP USING SETH'S LAME LINES!!!

4everClaires: That one was mine.

Shewolf#1: I could comment, but I don't think that's even worthy of an insult.

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Seriously, sometimes I wonder why we talk to you.

4everClaires: Cause I'm you're Mista Sista!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Stop. Please.

4everClaires: Fine. :(


	40. Pinky Promise!

Edwardsbff1: Who took my man journal?!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Man journal? Really, Seth? Really?

Edwardsbff1: Hey! Man journals are very… manly.

Shewolf#1: Sure. Just as manly as a chick flick.

Claires4ever: Or a dress.

Edwardsbff1: Psh. Says the guy who plays Pretty Princess complete with make-up and tiara.

Claires4ever: Shut up.

Edwardsbff1: Anyways, did any of you take it?

Shewolf#1: Nope. Check Paul and Jared though. They've seemed suspicious lately.

Edwardsbff1: But they've been down in Las Vegas with Rebecca and Kim for the past week.

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Crap!

Edwardsbff1: What?

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Oh, I just lost a game of solitaire. Impulse reaction. Continue.

Edwardsbff1: So you're sure that none of you took it?

4everClaires: Yep. Absolutely positive.

Edwardsbff1: So sure you'd pinky promise? Remember, pinky promises mean everything.

4everClaires: Yep. Pinky promise I did not steal your "man journal". *cough* diary *cough*

Edwardsbff1: Leah?

Shewolf#1: I can't believe you guys do pinky promises. It's such a girl thing. But yes I pinky promise that I didn't steal your diary.

Edwardsbff1: Embry?

Who_let_the_dogs_out: I… I…. I can't do it. We stole it.

Shewolf#1: What the hell, Embry?!?!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: You cannot lie with a pinky promise! They mean everything. Everything!!!

Edwardsbff1: YOU GUYS BROKE A PINKY PROMISE!!! PINKY PROMISE BREAKERS!

Who_let_the_dogs_out: Shame on you.

**Leah and Quil are in TROUBLE! Pinky promises really do mean everything. You cannot break a pinky promise. My friends and I live by this. Breaking pinky promises, even virtual ones, is just not allowed. So there. **

**And speaking of friends, I got the silent treatment yesterday for my use of "Mista Sista." So I am now publicly saying that I got it from **_**in the hallway with jeans. **_**Actually I get a lot of my ideas from her. She's the funniest one in our group of friends. (MATH GANG!!!!)**

**OMG!!! I just realized that I been doing this story for a year! A whole year! WOOT WOOT!**


End file.
